Discernment: A pathway to real peace

I have learned that one of the truest signs of emotional intelligence that has been blessed with learning is discernment. Knowing when to step back and knowing when to step in. As well as knowing what to step back to, and what to step in with. Knowing when to speak, when to explain yourself and knowing when to be silent. When to stop trying.

Discernment is about recognising patterns. About putting your sovereignty and dignity around where things begin and end.

Not every conversation is worth having if it drains your energy and goes nowhere, allowing access to you. Sometimes, pausing and observing in whatever way you find helpful. Empathy without care is not avoidance, but instead can be emotional self-abandonment, allowing access to you where you are likely to be unmet and maybe also burned in the process.

Our clarity does not come from overthinking everything either. It comes from what you find on the other side of the step you are not taking. So sometimes taking an action can be deciding not to. And in that – and what it reveals – can be where your answer begins to reveal itself to you.

Overthinking vs. inner knowing

Usually and often l have personally found that when I am overthinking something, it is because l am not acting on what l already know, and don’t want to face it because of my fear and because my innate preferred discernment might involve letting go of something or someone that l don’t feel ready to do (or just basically don’t want to). Here, overthinking is a kind of no man’s land. 

So please know this. You are never losing by letting go of someone who either doesn’t, or can’t show up for you, and who you are. That is a weight you were not meant to carry, and that does not belong in your hands. You were given a heart and soul and gut that never lies to you. Only asks you to listen to what is felt there deep inside of you.

Not everybody will be for you in the same way; you will not be for them, but when you begin to self-explore where you feel safe, and with whom, and why, you place your heart in hands that gladly receive it and you, without threat or judgement. This doesn’t define who you are; it is wisdom, and wisdom is a quiet anchor. 

I heard a saying, “As you start to walk on the way, the way appears”.

If you are constantly feeling as though you are asking too much, you are likely asking the wrong people, and maybe understanding why you are choosing them is worth exploring. It is a good thing, I have found both personally and professionally, to investigate and to understand this at both an intellectual level at first, and then at a visceral level. 

It is from our viscera; from what is felt comes then what is known.

We are allowed to have needs. They are human, and if historically this has been an unmet space in your perception of your own worthiness, it can be distorted and basically a lie.

Boundaries 

“Usually, those who do not respect your boundaries benefit from you not having any.”

That in itself is very thought-provoking. It is like putting your heart in the Wild West, a place where there are no frontiers or covenants or law.

When we have to process pain and confusion, and we have to do it 

“Through the tangled places in our heart”

We can feel very alone, and the art and blessing of discernment seems impossible because we are winging it in our pain; however, if we become still, we can begin to hear the whispers of our own hearts.

Being still

We live in a fast world where achievement and accomplishment are felt as deterrents against all kinds of oblivion, and indeed they are. 

But we need balance, we all do, and our achievements can provide the roof over our head and also financial security and therefore safety. However, if the way we feel inside our hearts and bodies is under siege, then there is no peace internally.

What discernment brings 

Discernment brings a different kind of safety. One that is considered. It feels like our own, something that truly belongs to who we are. It sings of sovereignty, and disempowers doubt, most especially self-doubt.

It is clear, and it’s known, felt, clarity allows us dignity, and in that also the defined lines of authenticity.

It is here, where we are no longer scattered. It is here that we ask to be known without a raised voice or an insistence. But instead, a quiet peace.