Learning to handle criticism

The challenge I set you: To take criticism in context, consider whether there is something useful to learn from it and decide what, if anything, you want to take on board.

Criticism can come in many forms. Sometimes it is intended to help us improve, while at other times it may be influenced by another person's frustrations, expectations or perspective. How criticism is delivered doesn't necessarily tell us whether there is anything useful within it.

Rather than automatically accepting criticism or dismissing it, take some time to consider what has actually been said.

You might ask yourself:

• Is the criticism specific, or is it a general judgement about me?
• Is there evidence to support what has been said?
• Is there something useful I can learn from their feedback?

When feedback comes from someone you know well, it can also be helpful to stay curious rather than immediately assuming you know why they have said it. If appropriate, ask questions to understand what they mean and what has prompted the feedback.

The same is true when we find negative criticism coming our way:

• It can often be a reflection of the person speaking, rather than the criticised. 
• The comments are most often subjective to opinion.
• Onboarding this feedback is unlikely to be helpful to you.

Even criticism that has been delivered poorly may contain something worth considering. Equally, receiving criticism doesn't mean you have to agree with it or allow it to define how you see yourself.

Therefore, we are merely the canvas upon which another person has chosen to sketch out their issues. Incidentally, if the negative judgment comes from a close friend, then that is a clear sign that your friend is in need of your help and support. Pitch in and find out what on earth’s the matter.

With all this clear in the mind, it is easier to take positive feedback from friends and colleagues in a constructive way and in the manner in which it had been intended – with good will.

As in all personal development, this is an ongoing process and the more you practice doing this, the more it will may become easier to pause and reflect before immediately becoming defensive or taking criticism to heart.

Over time, this will replace the feelings of being under siege when you are criticised and will remove the reaction of self-defence - be it internal or external.

Handling criticism with confidence

Being confident doesn't mean being unaffected by criticism. Nor does it mean believing everything other people say about you. Confidence can mean being secure enough to listen, consider the evidence and decide for yourself whether there is something useful to learn. You don't have to accept every criticism you receive, but you don't necessarily have to reject it either. Sometimes confidence is having the ability to listen, reflect and then decide what deserves your attention.

If you find that criticism regularly knocks your confidence or makes you immediately defensive, coaching can provide space to explore why certain feedback affects you so strongly. A confidence coach can help you notice your reactions, consider different perspectives and develop ways of responding that feel more constructive.