Building personal resilience - navigating life's storms

In the journey of life, we all encounter challenges that test our limits. These moments can be overwhelming, leaving us feeling vulnerable and uncertain. However, our ability to navigate these storms with strength is rooted in a quality known as resilience.

In this article, we will explore what resilience looks like, delve into common thinking traps and the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses, and provide practical steps to enhance your resilience.

A tale of two responses: Low resilience vs high resilience

Low resilience: Sarah's story

Sarah had always been a perfectionist. She thrived on maintaining control and predictability in her life. However, when she lost her job unexpectedly, her world crumbled leaving her overwhelmed by feelings of failure and hopelessness, she retreated from her friends and family, convinced that she was destined for failure. Sarah's negative thinking spiralled, trapping her in a cycle of self-doubt and inaction. Her low resilience made it difficult for her to see beyond her immediate predicament and seek solutions.

High resilience: Claire's story

Claire, on the other hand, faced a similar challenge when her business failed. Instead of succumbing to despair, she allowed herself to feel disappointed but did not let it define her. She reached out to her support network, sought advice, and began exploring new opportunities. Claire viewed her setback as a learning experience and remained hopeful about the future. Her high resilience enabled her to adapt, bounce back, and ultimately, find a new career path.

Understanding thinking traps

Thinking traps are cognitive distortions that can undermine our resilience by skewing our perception of reality. Common thinking traps include:

1. Catastrophising: Expecting the worst-case scenario to happen.
2. Black-and-white thinking: Seeing situations in extremes, with no middle ground.
3. Overgeneralisation: Drawing broad conclusions based on a single incident.
4. Personalisation: Blaming oneself for events outside one's control.
5. Mind reading: Assuming you know what others are thinking.

Do any of these seem familiar to you?

Recognising these thinking traps is the first step to overcoming them. By challenging and reframing these negative thoughts, we can cultivate a more balanced and resilient mindset.

Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses

When faced with stress or danger, our bodies trigger a survival response: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Understanding these responses can help us manage our reactions more effectively.

• Fight: Confronting the threat aggressively.
• Flight: Escaping from the threat.
• Freeze: Becoming immobile and unable to act.
• Fawn: Appeasing or ignoring your own needs before to avoid the threat or conflict.

While these responses can be helpful in immediate danger, they may not always serve us well in everyday challenges. Building resilience involves learning to regulate these responses, and becoming self-aware, so we can respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively.

Building resilience empowers us to face the future with confidence and hope, no matter what storms come our way.

Practical steps to improve resilience

Develop a growth mindset

Embrace challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. Believe in your ability to improve and adapt over time, by focusing on reframing situations, to identify possible options.

Build strong connections

Cultivate a support network of friends, family, and mentors. Sharing your struggles with trusted individuals can provide comfort and perspective. Seeking professional help, such as a coach can help you make sense of it all.

Practice self-care

Prioritise your physical and mental well-being with regular exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices like meditation can enhance your resilience.

Set realistic goals

Break down large challenges into manageable steps. Celebrate small victories along the way to maintain motivation and momentum.

Develop problem-solving skills

Approach problems with a solution-oriented mindset. Identify possible solutions, weigh their pros and cons, and take decisive action.

Embrace change

Accept that change is a natural part of life. Flexibility and adaptability are key components of resilience. You can learn this and develop it as a skill set!

Reframe negative thoughts

Challenge thinking traps by asking yourself if your thoughts are based on facts or assumptions. Reframe negative thoughts into more positive and realistic ones.

Resilience is not a trait that some people are born with while others are not. It is a dynamic skill that can be cultivated through intentional practice and self-awareness. By recognising and challenging thinking traps, understanding our natural stress responses, and implementing practical strategies to enhance resilience, we can navigate life's challenges with greater ease and grace.

Like Sarah, we can learn to view setbacks as stepping stones, and like Claire, we can transform moments of vulnerability into opportunities for growth. Building resilience empowers us to face the future with confidence and hope, no matter what storm comes our way.