Boost your self -esteem in the workplace

Remember back to the time when you were younger and the overwhelming fear of your parents being disappointed in you if you did badly at school? That fear of them rejecting you or looking on in dismay?

My father was quite strict when we were kids, and I remember the punishment he gave my brother once for not meeting his standards. He completely broke the boundaries of what was acceptable punishment for a 14-year-old, but I began to realise this was behaviour that may have been influenced by his own relationship with his father.

These days, it doesn't even matter if there is no physical contact, because people’s words can also have a negative effect on our self-esteem. Experiences in childhood can sometimes influence how we see ourselves and respond to other people later in life, although everyone is affected differently.

The great thing about being an adult, though, is that you can begin to take your power back. You can take greater control of your own life, your responses and your decisions. As adults, we may be able to look back at earlier experiences with a different perspective. Understanding some of the influences behind another person's behaviour may provide context, but it doesn't make harmful or unacceptable behaviour OK.

Experiences of being bullied, manipulated, harshly criticised or punished can sometimes affect confidence and self-esteem. We may also absorb messages and beliefs from family, friends, grandparents, teachers and other influential people, without necessarily questioning whether those beliefs fit who we are today.

In order to build up your self-confidence and self-esteem, you may need to take some of your power back. You may need to let go of apologising when you have nothing to apologise for and taking responsibility for other people’s happiness. You can learn to feel OK about disagreeing with someone else’s opinion while still having integrity and respect for yourself.

Learning to communicate more assertively can change how you participate in relationships and workplace conversations, even though you can't control how another person responds.

Low confidence can sometimes make it harder to assert boundaries or challenge behaviour that feels uncomfortable. However, responsibility for manipulative or controlling behaviour always sits with the person choosing to behave that way.

These situations may happen in all walks of life, particularly in workplaces where competition, different personalities and power dynamics can sometimes create conflict. It is never nice being in the middle of that, nor does conflict necessarily move anyone towards a solution.

Here are some common situations that can happen in the workplace. If you want to build up your self-esteem and confidence, read on...

1. Speak up

Make more decisions for yourself. This may mean having a different opinion from someone else, but disagreement doesn't have to become a power struggle.

Discussions should be based around respecting each other’s opinions and reaching a decision that is for the benefit of all involved or the business, rather than allowing the disagreement itself to become the focus.

2. Competitive colleagues

If you have a colleague who you feel is constantly trying to compete with you, focus on your outcome. What is it that you want to achieve, and how will you feel once you get there?

Avoid taking too much notice of what other people are doing, unless it helps in a positive way with your development. Keep your work goals moving and be comfortable with the thought of your own success.

Everyone has different ways of feeling motivated at work and, for some, this is being in competition with other people. This may be fine when it feels healthy, but if you find it distracting, speak up and keep your attention on your own development and the outcomes you're responsible for.

3. Workplace bullying

Bullying can happen in the workplace, and people may feel afraid to confront it. No one should have to tolerate workplace bullying.

If you believe you're being bullied, consider keeping a record of what is happening and speak to someone you trust or use the appropriate workplace reporting route. If the person involved is your manager, consider whether there is another manager, HR team or other appropriate source of support you can approach.

4. When you're blamed for someone else's mistake

How many times have you been used as a scapegoat and blamed for someone else’s mistakes? If you are being blamed for errors that aren't yours, keep clear records of relevant conversations, decisions and correspondence so that you can explain what happened if necessary.

Save relevant emails and start to keep a record if the situation is ongoing.

In any work environment, taking responsibility for our own mistakes is also important. In fact, this isn’t just about the workplace, but life too. Take responsibility for your decisions, your actions and your mistakes. Being able to say, “Yes, that was me. Sorry about that. This is what I should have done,” can be an important part of communicating openly and taking responsibility.

5. The art of self-love

Finally, one of the things you can do to support your own self-esteem is to practise accepting who you are.

Stop with the negative self-talk and start to challenge those criticisms that go over in your mind on a daily basis. Would you let someone else speak to you the way you speak to yourself?

Constant negative self-talk can reinforce an unhelpful view of yourself. Start working from within by noticing how you speak to yourself, recognising your strengths and treating yourself with the same respect you would offer to somebody else.