A self-coaching exercise to manage fear and worry

My experience of managing fear, worry and my emotions

When I was in my young twenties, I would often find myself in a hopeless loop of negative thoughts and, as a result, it led to anxiety about many things, from worrying about being judged to obsessing about perfectly fitting each person’s criteria of me. Due to my low self-esteem, I created an endless pattern of worry and anxiety trying to live up to my own imagined expectations, and as a result I would sabotage my future before I had even got there!

I became so used to thinking in this way that it became a default pattern of feeling unhappy and powerless. I felt drained and stuck until I decided I needed to change something.

How often do you agonise over making a decision, taking an action or imagining the worst possible outcome? We are often held back by fear and, generally, the time we spend worrying is related to our perceived outcome of the future. Fear is simply an emotion about something that hasn’t happened in present time, and can stem from a lack of confidence in our abilities. 

Some unconscious fears we experience: 

• Fear of rejection
• Fear of failing
• Fear of being judged
• Fear of being seen
• Fear of embarrassment
• Fear of losing someone.

These fears are all capable of preventing us from taking action and can be very draining on our emotions. What you should remember is that your subconscious mind always has a positive intention - when you think about something painful, it will want to protect you and move you away from pain and into pleasure.

If you have been rejected in the past and the experience hurt in some way, you will likely fear being rejected again because subconsciously, you remember that same feeling of vulnerability. The truth is that if we lived our lives continuously avoiding pain, we would never evolve and grow. 

A coaching exercise to manage fear

A good technique to manage any overwhelming thoughts and fears is to grab a piece of paper and split it into three columns:

Notice what comes up as you move through the exercises and also notice what your subconscious mind is trying to protect you from - the results could be very interesting!

If you're struggling to find the reason behind your fears, can't seem to identify what the positive intention behind them might be, or simply can't see a scenario outside of the worst-case, coaching could be a great modality to explore this within. While coaches aren't trained or intended to support you in processing emotions, they can provide an informed, outside perspective on your concerns. 

Coaches can help you to rationalise your thoughts, but more importantly, build a strategy to work toward your fears in a manageable way, as well as provide space for reflection and affirmation after-the-fact.