7 ways to deal with toxic energies

The signs: you are feeling normal(ish). You meet up with someone or find yourself in a situation and, by the time you part, you find yourself feeling awful. You’re drained, a dark cloud has descended, and your mood has shifted significantly. This may happen in a personal or professional capacity, especially if you are in a helping or giving role.

So, what has happened? It could be that you have taken on feelings that are not yours. Like a sponge, you may have absorbed the other person’s negativity, grief or anger.

Another way of looking at this is that these negative or unpleasant emotions may have resonated with something in you that you do not want to have activated. So it may be a relief to realise that this negativity does not belong to you.

The good news is that there are ways to protect and steady yourself.

• The simplest and most effective tool I have used when dealing with difficult energy around me is to subtly place my hand across my solar plexus. For some people, this can act as a physical reminder to pause, breathe and maintain a sense of boundary.
• Check in, stay present and monitor any shifts in energy. Periodically pause and go within yourself. Observe your breath silently for a couple of minutes and do a quick body scan. This is a way of staying aware, so that you are less likely to go into automatic mode and absorb things unconsciously. Now and then, check in and ask yourself: “What’s going on for me, right now?” This will help you stay aware and alert in terms of monitoring your energy.
• If I am feeling particularly sensitive, I tend to imagine myself in a bubble of white light. Visualise an egg-shaped bubble filled with lovely bright light. You might use this visualisation to feel calmer, steadier and more protected.
• A warm bath with Epsom, sea salt or Himalayan rock salt can be a soothing way to unwind. For some, it can feel like a cleansing ritual and a way to draw a line under the day.
• Frankincense is often used by people who enjoy essential oils. A couple of drops in the palm of your hands, rubbed together, can become part of a calming ritual. You might then lightly “dust off” around your body, from head to toe, as a symbolic way of letting go of the interaction. Wash your hands afterwards.
• The mirror technique: when you are with that person or immersed in the situation, visualise a giant mirror with the reflective surface facing outwards. This can be a helpful visualisation for reminding yourself that you do not have to take on everything that comes your way.
• Avoid or limit your exposure to people or situations that regularly leave you feeling drained. Do not condemn yourself for it. Chances are that you have already given a lot, and you may be repeatedly faced with a bottomless pit of negativity and neediness. Remember, you are not rejecting the other person; you are respecting yourself. Send good wishes to the person, let go of any residue of guilt and distance yourself, incrementally if need be. It may feel selfish, but what if ultimately we are each responsible for our own happiness? Simple, but sometimes we need reminding.

Relationships, emotional exchanges and dynamics are complex. Coaching can help to identify themes, patterns and challenges, and develop strategies that are effective in dealing with these. In the process, we grow in self-awareness and in our ability to maximise our enjoyment of everyday life. Cultivating a degree of self-protection is one part of this.

We do ourselves and others a disservice when we do not look after our own energy properly. So let’s continue to give generously, but let’s do so consciously and appropriately.