7 ways to build self-confidence

Fear can be one of the things that contributes to a lack of self-confidence or self-esteem. Fear of change, fear of judgement, fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of being hurt and fear of discomfort - they can all be powerful contributors.

Feeling fearful is a natural human emotion and it can be useful in certain circumstances; however, fear can also leave us feeling disempowered. We may feel unable to change our behaviours or circumstances, which can contribute to unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life.

In order to loosen our chains, become more empowered and regain our confidence, we may need to do ourselves a huge favour - and that is to stare fear in the face. Well yes, it can feel easier said than done. Facing our fears can be daunting.

To help you, here is a list of seven tools you can use to explore everyday fears that may be holding you back and build your self-confidence.

1. List what you like and value about yourself

Take a few minutes to think about all that you like and value about yourself. It is important that you pause self-judgement for a few minutes here and truly see all that is great about you. You can put things like being a loyal friend, patience, courage, persistence or even qualifications you achieved or something about your appearance you like, on your list.

Don’t hold back. Don’t worry, this is not about developing an overinflated ego but about reaching inside and realising your own self-worth. Recognising your own strengths and qualities can support confidence.

2. Remind yourself of your strengths

Now, think about all the times in your life when you proved to yourself that you were mentally and emotionally strong. When I ask my clients to do this sometimes they tell me that they have never been strong; however, when we explore their experiences in more detail, they can often identify times when they have shown courage or strength.

So, I am asking you to dig deep and find your inner strength. To help you with that I suggest you ask yourself the following:

• How and when did/do I show strength in my life?
• What life lessons have I learnt?
• How could I use them as tools to build my inner strength, confidence and self-esteem?    

3. Decide what you want

Clarity can help when you’re trying to understand what fear may be holding you back from. Ask yourself the following:

What is it that I want the most? If I had it, how would it change my life?

Write down what you came up with.

4. Challenge limiting beliefs

Fear can be reinforced by negative or limiting beliefs. You can begin to challenge these beliefs by questioning them rather than automatically accepting them as true.

You can ask yourself the following:

• Is it really true that I won’t be able to succeed?
• Where is the evidence for that?
• Am I assuming? If yes, then I need to know that assumptions are based on fiction, not on reality.
• How is it helping me to think this way?

5. Add possibility into the equation

Instead of focusing only on what might go wrong, ask yourself what might be possible and what could help you move towards it.

6. Make a plan

Create a plan of action that feels realistic and manageable. Make small changes at first, building up to more daring ones. If you need support at this stage then don’t be afraid to ask for it!

7. Take the first step

Cliché I know, but for everyday fears where it is safe and appropriate to do so, consider starting with a small step outside your comfort zone rather than tackling the most daunting situation immediately.

Start with the least scary thing first then, as you gather your courage, challenge your bigger fears. What is important here is that you make the first step. If you have done the groundwork, know your inner strength and have started to challenge your negative beliefs, you may feel better prepared to take that step even if it still feels uncomfortable.

You might have thought that you have to be confident before you can make changes to your life, but sometimes confidence develops through experience. Taking manageable action, noticing what you learn and seeing what you’re capable of can gradually help you feel more confident.

As you make changes to your life, you may find that your confidence grows alongside them.