6 ways to boost your self esteem

Have you ever noticed how you speak to yourself silently in your mind? When you look in the mirror, can you look at yourself with a sense of love and acceptance, or do you single out all the things you don’t like in yourself? Perhaps you feel like a failure in certain areas of your life because things haven’t gone your way. If some of this feels familiar, it may be worth paying more attention to the way you think and speak about yourself.

Low self-esteem is common, and many people don’t realise the impact their own harsh self-talk can have on their mindset. Would you let someone else speak to you the way you speak to yourself?

Some of your negative self-talk could sound like this:

• My nose, it’s so big/fat/thin
• My bottom is too large
• My lips are a funny shape
• I hate my body
• I feel like a failure at work
• I hate myself
• I feel worthless
• I am ugly
• I hate my hair
• I am stupid
• I can’t do anything right
• I always make the wrong choices

If you lack belief in yourself and your ability, feel jealous of other people’s successes or feel invisible, here are some tips on what you can do to bring your thought patterns into your awareness and give yourself an opportunity to make some personal changes.

1. Bring out the best in yourself

Write a list of your best qualities. What positive things would people say to describe you? Your qualities are what make you unique. When you have reached at least five to 10, refer to them regularly to remind yourself of who you are and what makes you special.

2. Avoid putting yourself down

Be nice to yourself and notice how you speak to yourself on a daily basis. We can do a great job of beating ourselves up with words that are often only in our heads.

Repeatedly speaking to yourself harshly can reinforce an unhelpful view of yourself. Start noticing that language and ask whether you could respond to yourself in a fairer and more compassionate way.

3. What makes you successful or powerful?

Write out a list of all the things you have done in the past that have been successful. Whether it’s getting a new job, succeeding on a project at work or college, finishing a qualification, winning an award or overcoming a difficult situation, write them all out and see what comes up. It’s easy to forget, and it’s good to be reminded!

4. Your relationships

Who are the people you spend most of your time with? Notice the influence they have on you - is it positive or negative? The relationships around us can influence how we feel about ourselves.

Are there relationships where you consistently feel criticised, diminished or unsupported? It may be worth considering what boundaries you need - your own version of a relationship ‘spring clean’.

5. Stop apologising!

If you find you constantly say sorry, notice whether you are apologising for something you genuinely need to take responsibility for or whether ‘sorry’ has simply become an automatic response.

Take a step back before you apologise next time. If you feel an apology is genuinely needed, then that is fine, but if you notice yourself saying it automatically, ask yourself what you are apologising for. Becoming more aware of the habit can help you decide whether an apology is actually needed.

6. Affirmations

Some people find affirmations useful as a way of deliberately practising a kinder or more constructive way of speaking to themselves. I have personally found them helpful.

Choose statements that feel supportive and meaningful to you. They don’t need to pretend something is true when it doesn’t feel true. Here are some examples you could try:

• I am learning to speak to myself with less criticism.
• I am doing the best I know how.
• I can recognise and appreciate my positive qualities.
• I am allowed to trust my own decisions.
• I can acknowledge the things I do well.
• I am learning to have greater confidence in my abilities.
• I can set boundaries in relationships that don’t feel supportive.
• I am learning to recognise my own worth.