6 things coaches want you to know about confidence

Whether confidence is something you’ve always struggled with or it’s something that’s come up for you more recently, it’s tempting to fire off a quick Google search to find out how to tackle it. Now, there is a lot of advice out there when it comes to confidence building and navigating the seemingly never-ending ‘how-tos’ can be daunting.

This is why we thought we’d point you in the direction of our expert life coaches, many of whom specialise in helping clients build confidence. We’ve curated six things they want you to know about confidence and share helpful articles to help you on your journey.

1. Confidence issues are often caused by not believing you’re ‘enough’

Life and accountability coach Ayesha Giselle Dornelly wants us to dig deep to uncover the root cause of our self-doubt.

“If you dig as deep as possible, you will notice that the main cause of your insecurity, anxiety or self-doubt is that you believe you are not enough. This feeling of ‘I am not enough’ shows up in so many different ways and is the number one cause of your insecurity, depression, self-doubt and loneliness.

“The feeling that ‘I am not good enough’ is the reason you don’t go after that promotion you deserve or push people who truly care about you away. It’s the reason you find it difficult to date, don’t live up to your true value, and stay up at night worrying.”

2. When uncertainty is thwarting your confidence, focus on what you can control

Life coach James Wilson notes the impact unprecedented circumstances have on our confidence and asks us to let go of what’s out of our hands.

“The chances are you have no control over most external circumstances that are invading your thoughts and eroding your confidence, whether that is societal decision-making, pandemics, or just another human being's thoughts, actions, emotions, behaviours. We can attempt to influence, but ultimately the power is not in our hands.

“If we can move to a place of acknowledging that and completely letting it go, we can place all our attention and focus on what we can control and influence, such as our reaction to external events, our behaviours, the way we communicate and interact with others, our actions, the next step we take, decisions, etc. This shift can make all the difference, moving from feeling anxious, powerless, overwhelmed to empowered, calm, action-focused, in control of you and only you.”

3. Recognising our achievements can help ward off impostor syndrome

Life coach and founder of The Confidence Craft, Nicole Greenfield-Smith, reminds us how easy it is to forget our achievements but how important it is to recognise them.

“Accept that you’ve played a pivotal role in your own achievements. They are no fluke! Impostor syndrome can often present in those of us with a strong sense of fairness. We can assume we were ‘gifted’ opportunities that others weren’t – but sustaining opportunities is not the work of someone who deserves their success!

“Take time to list out your achievements and all of the good things people say about you. It’s all too easy to forget, but it’s important to remember, record and to contextualise our achievements, especially when we're feeling low in self-worth.”

4. Self-trust is an essential foundation for confidence

Relationship coach Helen Snape explains how confidence is made up of two distinct layers - the top layer being a belief in our own abilities and the foundation being self-trust.

“A lack of trust in yourself can be easy to cover up and ignore for a while. But we can all think of people, maybe ourselves, who are great at what they do but are riddled with doubts and self-criticism.

“If we don’t trust ourselves, we don’t have that firm foundation to build on. When we have built that foundation, we can make a mistake or hear criticism and our confidence remains intact.”

5. Seek feedback to boost your career confidence

Life coach Sarah Clark asks those of us struggling with confidence at work to seek feedback from those we work with.

“If you receive feedback from others, this can be a really useful way to validate yourself and your achievements and get you thinking about your career. Others can often perceive areas that you might not have thought about, and their feedback can start the process off by helping you to recognise new opportunities.

“I set up my coaching business, for example, when my coaching supervisor suggested I had in-depth knowledge of coaching that could be used to establish a private practice. I would not have realised this at that stage in my life had it not been for this constructive feedback.”

6. It’s OK to need support

Life coach Nikki Emerton wants us to remember that humans are wired for connection and investing in ourselves is an act of self-care. 

“Remember that we all need a little help at some point. We were designed to be a part of a tribe, and, within that tribe, we could embrace our differences and, together, we could provide extensive and varied perspectives to a vast range of situations.

“You invest in servicing your car, and you probably invest in others more than you do yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and the next time you fly, you will notice that the cabin crew will tell you to put your own oxygen mask first before assisting others.”