6 strategies to help you deal with conflict

Dealing with difficult people, their projection and the resulting conflict is an inevitable part of life, unfortunately. Whether it's a colleague who thrives on drama, a family member projecting their insecurities onto you, or a friend whose constant negativity drains your energy. Navigating these relationships can feel overwhelming and when left unchecked, these interactions can impact your mental health, leading to stress, anxiety, and resentment. However, with a better understanding of projection, conflict management, and the art of boundary setting, you can protect your well-being while engaging with others constructively.

Understanding projection

At the core of many conflicts lies the psychological phenomenon of projection, which occurs when someone unconsciously attributes their own feelings, thoughts or insecurities to another person. For example, a sibling who insists you’re ‘too sensitive’ may be struggling with managing their own emotions. 

Understanding projection is empowering as it allows you to recognise that someone’s negative behaviour often says more about them than it does about you. By identifying when projection is at play, you can avoid internalising harmful comments or taking their behaviour personally.

They may also engage in manipulative behaviours, seek validation through conflict, or simply have unresolved personal issues that spill into their interactions, and whilst you can’t control how others act, you always have a choice in how you respond. 

Why boundaries are essential

Boundaries are not about shutting people out, they’re about defining what you will and won’t tolerate to maintain your emotional and mental well-being. Healthy boundaries protect your time, energy, and self-esteem, ensuring that difficult interactions don’t leave you feeling drained or resentful.

Without boundaries, you will almost certainly find yourself accommodating others' needs at your own expense. For example, you might always say ‘yes’ to a friend’s requests even when it inconveniences you, or tolerate a colleague venting excessively about their problems during your work hours. Over time, this leads to resentment, frustration, feeling drained and even burnout. 

Practical strategies

Give these points below a try, to help maintain your emotional well-being. Like anything new, these strategies will likely take some practice and possibly feel uncomfortable initially, particularly if you’re used to being a people pleaser and putting everyone else first! However, stay consistent and they will soon become easier until they become automatic responses. 

1. Don’t engage in their drama

These types of people often want to draw others into their emotional turmoil, and will either try baiting you into an argument, gossiping, or playing the victim. Resist the urge to participate and stay neutral. If the conversation keeps veering into negative or unuseful territory, politely steer it back or excuse yourself. 

For instance, if your mother is constantly complaining but never seeks solutions, acknowledge her feelings by saying you hear that she’s frustrated, angry, or sad (whatever the emotions she is feeling). Then follow it up by asking her what steps she thinks she could take to address this, putting the onus on her to find solutions to her situation. This shifts the focus from venting to problem-solving without dismissing their feelings. 

2. Recognise and label projection

When someone is projecting their feelings onto you, it can be tempting to react defensively. Instead, pause to take a step back and consider whether their comments are reflective of their internal struggles.

So, if a family member accuses you of being selfish after you’ve set a boundary, remind yourself that their reaction is about their own discomfort and not your character. A simple response such as; ‘I’m sorry this is difficult for you, yet I’m sure you can understand that I need to do what’s best for me’, can reinforce your boundary without escalating the conflict.

3. Set and communicate boundaries clearly

Boundaries need to be clear and communicated calmly to be most effective. For example, with a colleague who frequently interrupts your focus with non-urgent requests, you could let them know that you will be happy to help, but that you are working on something that requires your full focus right now and set a pre-arranged time to discuss later. Consistency is key to maintaining your boundaries. If you’re repeatedly compromising them, you can’t expect others to respect them, as you make it too difficult for them to clearly understand what those boundaries are.

4. Use the power of silence

Sometimes, the best response to difficult behaviour is no response at all. If someone is trying to provoke you, silence can send a powerful message that you won’t engage. This doesn’t mean ignoring them entirely but choosing not to reward toxic behaviour with attention.

5. Protect your energy 

If certain individuals consistently leave you feeling drained, it may be time to limit your exposure to them. This could mean reducing the frequency of interactions or keeping conversations brief and focused.

When avoidance isn’t possible, such as family gatherings or work colleagues, it’s important to plan self-care activities to recharge after engaging with them. Whether it’s a walk, journaling, or meditation, prioritising your well-being ensures you’re better equipped to handle challenging encounters.

6. Stay grounded in your values

When people attempt to undermine your confidence or challenge your integrity, stay grounded in your core values to avoid being swayed by their negativity. For example, if someone makes snide comments on your decision to prioritise your work-life balance, remind yourself why it’s important to you so you can stand firm in your choice. Your values act as an anchor, keeping you steady in turbulent interactions.

Seek support when needed

Sometimes, dealing with conflict and difficult people takes more than individual effort, so speaking to a therapist, coach, or trusted friend can provide perspective and support, especially if the relationship is deeply rooted in longstanding patterns, such as with a parent or partner.

Coaching can help you develop practical tools to navigate conflict and strengthen your boundaries, as a coach will work with you to identify recurring challenges, reframe negative interactions, and build resilience in the face of difficult interactions. 

Remember that maintaining your peace isn’t selfish, it’s a necessary act of self-respect. So, whether it’s excusing yourself from toxic conversations, limiting exposure to draining individuals, or seeking professional support, the steps you take to safeguard your mental health are investments in your overall happiness and resilience.