Three things that are essential for romance to blossom
11th November, 20140 Comments
Written by: Nicola Willis - Career and Confidence Coach
Ever feel frustrated that the man of your dreams turns out to be yet another non-committant? Wish that you had more butterflies with the girl who is a great friend? Unbelievable chemistry but you don't have anything to talk about outside of the bedroom?
What I have learnt through my numerous dating experiences (purely for research of course), is that there are three essential elements that you need before a relationship can really take off and have any chance of becoming long term. You need all three of these ingredients to ensure that your relationship gets off to the best start.
Not surprisingly, chemistry is very important. Yet it's surprising how many people choose to settle with someone who is their best friend with no hint of sexual passion. It can be easy to fool ourselves into thinking that it doesn't matter but in my experience it's not only essential but can also give us more heartbreak than we realise. Being with someone who you have no passion for is akin to being with your best friend, but in romantic relationships we need more than that. We need to feel desired, have those 'butterflies' and frankly fancy the pants off of them.
My dear ole mum used to say to me when I was younger "looks will fade but you are stuck with someones personality forever" - much eye rolling from me at the time but like all words of wisdom, I have also learnt the hard way that chemistry alone will not sustain a relationship. Qualities such as kindness, caring and a sense of humour are just as important if not more so, than the fleeting fires of passion. Having someone who you actually like as well as fancy is important.
Ahh yes! You meet the man or woman who make your toes curl and who you can also chat about the universe until sunrise with, yet there is one small, tiny problem - they are 'just not ready yet' to settle down. It's times like these that you curse the gods and start to lose hope in finding the one. You may also try and cling on, praying to the gods that they will change their minds, pick you and all will be right with the universe. My friend, its time to give up that ghost now. Again, through hard graft, I have learnt the hard way. Namely that they will very seldom change their mind. And you are left with the thought that life will never quite be the same again...
Although life always has a funny way of turning out in a way that you could never have imagined. He or she will come along. They will be the one who you will have that amazing chemistry with, they will be your best friend and will also whisper to you that they will never let you go. They have also been waiting for you to come along all their lives. That my friend, is the jackpot, the proverbial sweet spot and in my experience it really does happen. I promise!
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