Ten Steps To Confidence
Ten Steps to Confidence
1) Like Yourself
List ten good points about yourself then put it somewhere where you will read it regularly. If ten feels too many start with 5 and work up. Alternatively ask a good friend to help you.
2) What do you do well?
As well as thinking about what you like about yourself make a list of what you do well.
These can be small or big things from being good at doing the ironing, remembering birthdays, to organising a corporate party or to getting down and playing on the floor with your toddler.
Again if it feels daunting ask someone you trust to help you.
3) Accept compliments graciously
When someone pays you a compliment accept it with a thank you. Generally we are not good at that and add things like it was nothing, this old thing. We don’t need to do that, as it doesn’t matter someone has noticed something about us or something we have done and that is lovely for us just to listen to and take on board. You can even jot it down later so you can remind yourself.
4)Study Confident People
Who do you consider to be confident? Bring them to mind and ask yourself questions such as what makes them confident? How do they stand and talk? What are their mannerisms? What kind of things do they say? How would they handle this situation?
5) Act as if
If you are not feeling confident act as if you are. In the last exercise you studied someone who is confident now be like them; stand like they do, use similar mannerisms etc. This is called modelling and as you are acting as if you are confident people around you will pick up on that, you will respond to that and become more and more confident yourself.
6) Choose Your Influences
We are surrounded by pictures of perfect people, homes, gardens, children, partners and food. Remember this is not all real; life tends to get a bit messy. If you find magazines, TV programmes even friends exerting pressure on you don’t read watch or spend so much time with them.
7) Find replacements
If you are consciously changing the things that influence you, you may need some replacements or alternatives such as changing your magazine subscription, watching a different TV programme, spending some time with more supportive friends or just doing something different.
8) Beware Comparisons
Be very careful about making comparisons. We all have things to offer but our skills may be very different to those of others. It is good to remember that and remind ourselves how boring life would be if we were all the same. Additionally usually when we make a comparison we are doing it with just a snapshot of some else’s circumstances we very often don’t know the full situation.
9) Gratitude List
Note every day 3 good things that have happened or you are grateful for. Again they will be individual and personal to you. You could be glad it rained as your garden needed it; you may have a job while lots of people currently can’t find work. Be grateful for the small and the big things.
10) Finally put it all together with a positive affirmations
Write yourself a short positive statement in the present tense and pin it somewhere you can see it and read it.
It can be quite general such as
‘I am fun, life is full of interesting events and I have all the skills to get the best out of it.’
Or it can be more specific like ‘I am an interesting person and am able to chat to people I don’t know very well at the party.’
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Karen Hayns MSc - Future PerfectSeptember 11th, 2017