What is self-love? 10 ways to care for yourself

What is self-love? Put simply, it means taking care of yourself. It involves caring for yourself so that you feel more balanced and fulfilled from within, without relying entirely on external love or validation.

What is self-love?

Self-love is something you feel. You may notice when you are not taking care of yourself because you feel drained, tired or out of balance. Feelings such as anger and frustration may also indicate that some of your needs are not being met.

Perhaps you are afraid of speaking your truth and saying how you feel, so you keep it to yourself and suppress the emotion. This may create pressure within you or affect how you respond in other situations. Your emotions might feel unpredictable, and you may begin to doubt your decisions or procrastinate.

There are many possible indicators that you need more self-loving care. When we look after ourselves, we may have more emotional energy available for our relationships with others. We can have more influence over our well-being than we sometimes realise.

What does self-love truly mean?

Self-love means appreciating and honouring the qualities that make us who we are. It involves recognising our gifts, talents, ideas and feelings – everything that makes us uniquely ourselves.

Loving yourself also means respecting your body. It is an extraordinarily complex system that works continually to keep you functioning. Consider how you care for it, including what you eat, how you move and whether you give yourself enough opportunities to rest.

How much do you listen to your body? We can become accustomed to overlooking the signals it gives us, especially when life is busy.

How much care do you give to your thoughts? Thoughts, emotions and behaviours can influence one another. When we become caught up in unhelpful thinking, we may experience anxiety, anger, doubt or guilt. These feelings can then affect our behaviour, leading us to react immediately rather than responding thoughtfully and proactively.

Self-love includes making conscious decisions about how you care for your body and what you choose to watch, hear and give your attention to. Many of our responses are automatic, so how can we become more aware and learn to love ourselves?

10 ways to love yourself

No one else can build your relationship with yourself for you, and the care you show yourself can have lasting effects.

1. Watch and notice your thoughts

How are you responding to your thoughts? Do they tend to lead you towards negative or more balanced conclusions? What is the general quality of your thinking?

We do not choose every thought that enters our minds, but becoming aware of our thoughts can strengthen our ability to question them and decide how much attention to give them.

If you notice that a lot of anxiety is connected to your thoughts, you may benefit from stepping back and considering whether your conclusions are helpful, balanced or supported by evidence.

2. Learn the difference between thoughts and intuition

Uncontrolled or repetitive thinking can contribute to feelings of fear, which may prevent us from doing what we genuinely want to do. It can therefore be useful to consider whether you are experiencing an immediate anxious thought, responding to a past experience or noticing an intuitive feeling that deserves further reflection.

Our brains draw on previous experiences to anticipate what might happen next. If a present situation resembles something that once hurt or frightened us, it may trigger fear as part of the brain and body’s attempt to protect us. However, this does not necessarily mean that the feared outcome will happen.

Instead of assuming that every thought or feeling is a fact, pause and ask:

• What evidence supports this thought?
• Could a past experience be influencing how I see this situation?
• Is there another possible explanation?
• What would help me make a considered decision?

3. Learn from discomfort, but listen to pain

Emotional discomfort is a natural part of life. Sometimes fear or uncertainty appears when we are doing something unfamiliar, challenging ourselves or moving towards something important.

If we always allow fear to control our decisions, we may avoid situations that could support our personal or professional growth. Gently moving beyond our comfort zone can help us develop confidence and discover what we are capable of doing.

This is not the same as ignoring physical pain or forcing yourself through something harmful. Physical pain can indicate that your body needs rest, treatment or medical attention. Listen to it and seek appropriate healthcare advice when needed.

When facing emotional discomfort, ask yourself whether the situation is unsafe or simply unfamiliar. You can then decide whether taking a small, manageable step feels appropriate.

4. Go beyond your comfort zone

What represents comfort for you? I know that I can be lazy and procrastinate easily. I tend to comfort eat, and I used to be shy – and still am sometimes.

For me, moving beyond my comfort zone can mean being more proactive about speaking with people, not being afraid to contact someone or having the confidence to speak up. It can also mean not relying too heavily on comfort food or encouraging myself to exercise when I have the energy to do so.

We all have comfort zones.

When it comes to self-love, it is not always about doing what feels easiest or most comfortable at that moment. Some forms of instant gratification may not support us in the long term.

Ask yourself: How will this choice affect me in the long run?

5. Move from reacting to responding

In your day-to-day life, how often do you immediately react to situations involving a friend, parent, boss or passer-by?

We don’t always realise how many of our actions happen on autopilot. We may react without pausing to consider the effect on the other person, the relationship or ourselves.

Sometimes we benefit from taking time before responding to an email that enrages us, a telephone call that makes us sad or a comment that frustrates us. If we allow ourselves to calm down first, we may be able to respond from a kinder and more considered place.

We never know everything another person might be experiencing. Responding thoughtfully can support healthier communication while helping us act in a way that reflects our values.

6. Look for meaning and practise letting go

Some situations can offer us useful lessons, although it may not be possible or helpful to find meaning in every difficult experience.

When appropriate, you might reflect on what an experience has shown you about your needs, values, boundaries or relationships. This does not mean that every painful event happened for a reason or that you were responsible for it.

Ask yourself:

• Is there anything useful I can take from this experience?
• Is there something I would do differently next time?
• What do I need to accept or let go of?
• What support might help me move forward?

Being open and honest with ourselves may help us recognise what we have learned. Reflection can support growth, but it should be approached with compassion rather than blame.

7. Tune into your body

What is your body communicating to you? Our bodies can give us information about hunger, tiredness, tension, discomfort and emotional arousal.

Have you got a cold? Perhaps you need more rest while you recover. Do you feel tired frequently? Does your heart race in particular situations? Observe what you experience and when it happens. We can learn a great deal by observing ourselves.

However, physical symptoms should not automatically be interpreted as emotional or spiritual messages. They can have many causes. Persistent, unexplained, severe or worrying symptoms should be discussed with an appropriate healthcare professional.

Listening to your body can involve:

• eating regular and nourishing meals;
• getting sufficient rest;
• moving in ways that are appropriate for your health;
• taking medication as prescribed;
• noticing changes or persistent symptoms;
• seeking medical advice when something concerns you.

Self-love includes taking your physical health seriously rather than assuming that you must manage every symptom alone.

8. Do more things that genuinely excite you

Enjoyable activities can support our mood, energy and general sense of well-being, so make space for more of the things that interest and excite you.

What excites you will be unique to you. Embrace it and have fun. Enjoyable activities may also spark creativity and help inspiration begin to flow.

It’s about priorities. Once you recognise that doing things you genuinely love can add quality to your work, relationships and wider life, you may begin to prioritise them more.

Try it and see for yourself. What haven’t you done for a long time that you once found fun? Is there a hobby you have stopped doing? What could add more sparkle to your week?

9. Share your time with the people around you

It’s easy to get caught up in our own lives, heads down looking at our phones or computers. Life can become so busy and move so quickly that we forget to pause, look around and be present with other people.

You could call a friend out of the blue, offer someone a helping hand or simply smile at someone. Small moments of connection can make a meaningful difference.

When we choose to do something because we genuinely want to, rather than solely because we feel obliged, an interaction that initially felt like an effort may become a positive experience for everyone involved.

Remember, however, that self-love also includes boundaries. You do not have to give your time or energy when doing so would leave you feeling unsafe, uncomfortable or depleted.

10. Communicate fearlessly and kindly

Practise being assertive. Communication is an important part of both the relationship with ourselves and relationships we have with others.

First, consider how you communicate with yourself. We can sometimes avoid an uncomfortable truth because doing so makes us feel better temporarily. However, being gently honest with ourselves may help us understand what needs attention and decide what to do next.

We can then communicate our thoughts and feelings to others with kindness, clarity and authenticity.

Tip: If a message or conversation has upset you, pause before responding when it is safe and practical to do so. Give yourself enough time to consider whether you would be responding from a place of hurt or from a calmer position that allows you to see more than one perspective.

Loving yourself takes many forms. Make room for whatever brings you healthy enjoyment. Be playful, be creative and think outside the box.

Routine can become stale after a while, so mix it up. Go for a walk, spend time with your furry friends, meet friends, take a trip, enjoy a bath, put on some music or join a class. Whatever healthy fun looks like for you, give yourself permission to experience it.

Ready to make a change and put self-love first?

If you think you could benefit from support on your self-love journey, you might consider working with a coach. A coach may be able to support you with areas such as self-esteem, confidence and personal development.

Coaching is not a replacement for medical care or mental health treatment. If you are experiencing significant anxiety, persistent low mood or physical symptoms, seek support from an appropriately qualified healthcare professional.