What is it like to be led by you?

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been listening to a lot of personal development audio while driving, walking and exercising. One theme keeps appearing. Character.

What’s interesting is that some of these recordings are decades old, yet the message feels just as relevant today as it did then.

Leadership theories evolve. Workplaces change. Technology transforms the way we work. Yet the qualities people most admire in leaders remain remarkably consistent.

That got me thinking about my own experiences.

I’ve worked for many leaders throughout my career. Some inspired trust and loyalty. Others created frustration, disengagement and, in some cases, resentment. I’ve also spent more than 20 years leading people myself and now coach leaders who want to lead with greater authenticity, confidence and impact.

When I reflect on the leaders people genuinely wanted to follow, it was rarely because of their title, authority or personality. It was because of their character.

Research into leadership character suggests that qualities such as integrity, accountability, courage, humility and judgement play a significant role in building trust, credibility and long-term leadership effectiveness.

Five character traits I see in the best leaders

1. Integrity

This is more than honesty. Integrity is alignment between words, values and actions. People trust leaders when they know what to expect from them.

The best leaders I’ve worked with didn’t change their standards depending on who was in the room. Their actions matched their principles.

2. Courage

Leadership often requires uncomfortable decisions. Giving honest feedback. Addressing poor behaviour. Challenging the status quo. Making a decision when there isn’t a perfect answer.

Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s choosing to do what is right despite it.

3. Accountability

One of the quickest ways to lose credibility is to avoid responsibility. Strong leaders own outcomes. They don’t hide behind excuses. They don’t blame their team.

They ask: “What was my contribution to this situation?”

4. Humility

This one is often misunderstood. Humility is not weakness. It is having enough confidence to acknowledge you don’t have all the answers. It is listening before speaking. Learning before assuming. Giving credit before taking it.

In my experience, leaders who lack humility eventually stop growing because they believe they have already arrived.

5. Judgement

This is the trait that often separates good leaders from exceptional ones.

Every day, leaders face uncertainty, competing priorities and incomplete information. Judgement is the ability to make sound decisions while balancing people, performance and long-term consequences.

Five behaviours that undermine leadership

When studying good leadership, it can be just as useful to examine the opposite.

1. Arrogance

Believing you are always right.

2. Dishonesty

Misrepresenting the truth or failing to act transparently.

3. Lack of accountability

Avoiding responsibility and shifting blame elsewhere.

4. Poor communication

Failing to create clarity, expectations or understanding.

5. Unpredictability

Allowing emotions, moods and inconsistency to drive behaviour.

These behaviours destroy trust far faster than positive traits build it.

A reflection for leaders

Whenever I coach leaders, we often focus on goals, challenges and performance. But occasionally I ask a different question:

What is it like to be led by you?

Not what results you deliver. Not what position you hold. Not what qualifications you have. What is it actually like to experience your leadership every day?

The answer to that question often reveals more about our character than any personality profile ever could.

Developing leadership character

Character is not fixed. It develops through awareness and deliberate practice.

In my coaching work, I have found that most leaders already know where they struggle. They know they avoid certain conversations. They know they sometimes hold back from addressing performance issues. They know there are situations where they become defensive, frustrated or emotionally reactive.

The challenge is rarely awareness. The challenge is understanding what sits underneath the behaviour.

For example, I often work with leaders who tell me they struggle with accountability conversations. When we explore further, the real issue is often not accountability at all. It can be a fear of conflict, rejection or being disliked.

Similarly, a leader who finds it difficult to delegate may appear controlling on the surface, but underneath may be a belief that their value comes from being the person with all the answers.

I’ve also coached leaders who knew exactly what needed to be done but lacked the confidence to take action. The technical solution was clear. The real work was addressing the self-doubt that sat beneath the challenge.

The behaviour is visible. The belief driving it often isn’t.

This is why sustainable leadership development goes beyond learning techniques and tools. It requires honest self-reflection.

One of the most powerful ways to uncover blind spots is to ask trusted colleagues, peers or team members: “What is it like to be led by me?”

The feedback may not always be comfortable, but it can reveal patterns that are difficult to see alone. Once a development area has been identified, progress often comes through small, consistent actions.

A leader wanting to improve accountability can set clearer expectations and address issues earlier. A leader wanting to develop humility can ask more questions before offering solutions. A leader wanting to strengthen communication can focus on listening to understand rather than listening to respond.

These may sound like small changes, but leadership character is often shaped by small decisions repeated consistently over time.

The role of leadership coaching

Leadership coaching provides a space to slow down and think.

Many leaders spend their days solving problems for everyone else while rarely creating time to reflect on their own thinking, behaviours and assumptions.

Coaching helps bridge the gap between knowing what needs to change and actually changing it. It creates space for leaders to explore limiting beliefs, challenge unhelpful patterns and develop greater self-awareness.

At a team level, coaching can also strengthen trust, accountability and communication by helping leadership teams understand how their behaviours affect one another and the wider organisation.

In my experience, the most significant leadership breakthroughs rarely come from learning something completely new.

They come from seeing something familiar in a different way.

Final thought

Character isn’t built during the easy moments. It’s built through hundreds of small decisions when nobody is watching. And perhaps that’s why, despite all the changes in leadership over the years, character remains timeless.

People may remember what a leader achieved. But they rarely forget how a leader made them feel.

References

Crossan, M., Byrne, A., Monzani, L. and Gandz, J. (2017) ‘Toward a Framework of Leader Character in Organizations’, Journal of Management Studies, 54(7), pp. 986–1018.

Crossan, M., Seijts, G. and Gandz, J. (2016) Developing Leadership Character. New York: Routledge.

Seijts, G. (2014) ‘Leader Character is Foundational to Success’, Ivey Business School Leadership Program.