Making difficult decisions

Decision-making, whether it involves a small everyday choice or a significant, life-changing decision, can often feel challenging and uncomfortable. Through my coaching practice, I have supported clients as they navigate the sometimes-turbulent waters of uncertainty, choice, and change.

A key part of this work involves helping people connect with the wisdom of their unconscious mind, explore different perspectives, and use creative thinking approaches – sometimes described as creative indecision – to allow new insights and possibilities to emerge.

What follows are some of the key lessons I have learned about the process of decision-making.

Why do I find it so hard to make even small decisions?

Many people wonder why they find it so hard to make even the simplest decisions. A common reason is that they become caught up in overthinking, which can lead to 'analysis paralysis'. We weigh up every possibility, imagine every outcome, and search for the 'right' answer. The more we think, the harder the decision seems to become.

Instead of moving forward, thoughts go round and round as they try to find the perfect answer. Fear of making the wrong decision often results in procrastination, increased anxiety, and a growing sense of discomfort.

Reflection points:

• What further information do I need to help with this decision?
• How do you know when you are genuinely exploring options versus simply going around in circles?
• Are you searching for the best decision or the perfect decision?
• How might your decisions change if you aimed for good enough rather than absolute certainty?
• How much of your discomfort comes from not knowing the outcome?
• What would a trusted friend or colleague say? 
   

How can I stop overthinking when I need to make a decision?

Often, what's really driving the overthinking isn't a lack of information – it's a fear of making the wrong decision. One way to break this cycle is to recognise when overthinking is happening and commit to taking the first step rather than waiting for certainty.

Setting yourself a realistic deadline can help create momentum. Sharing that deadline with a trusted friend or family member adds accountability, making it less tempting to delay the decision indefinitely.

Breaking the decision-making process down into smaller, manageable steps can also make it feel less overwhelming. Consider the smallest step I can take today to move the decision-making forward and create some momentum.

Reflection points:

• Which decisions do you tend to overthink?
• What are you afraid might happen if you get the decision wrong?
• Looking back, how often have your worst fears actually happened?
• Rather than being uncomfortable with uncertainty, how can I embrace creative indecision?
• What does my gut instinct say?

What is the best way to make decisions that align with my values?

Ask yourself: What matters most to me in life?

The answers to that question will begin to reveal your core values. Core values are the deeply held beliefs and principles that shape how we think, make decisions, build relationships, and find meaning in our lives. Even when we are not consciously aware of them, they quietly influence the choices we make every day.

When our decisions are aligned with our core values, we are more likely to feel confident about our choices and less likely to experience regret. For this reason, gaining clarity about your values can be a powerful step towards making better decisions.

One way to begin is by exploring a comprehensive list of personal values (a quick online search will provide many useful examples). Start by circling every value that resonates with you. Then gradually narrow your list to ten, before challenging yourself to identify the five – or even three – values that you could not live without.

Another helpful approach is to consider how someone who knows you well would describe you. Ask a trusted friend or family member to share a few words that they feel capture who you are at your best. Reflect on what these words reveal about your motivations, strengths, priorities, and the values that guide your life.

When faced with a difficult decision, rather than asking only which option feels safest, ask which option is most consistent with the person you want to be.

Reflection points:

• Which values keep appearing?
• Which values would I refuse to compromise?
• Which values am I honouring through this decision?
• Which values might I be neglecting?
• Am I comfortable with this decision and does it align with my values?

What can I do if I’m stuck between my comfort zone and taking a risk?

Many people also struggle when they feel caught between remaining in their comfort zone and taking a risk. An important first step is accepting that discomfort is a normal part of decision-making. Feeling uncertain does not necessarily mean you are making the wrong choice; it often means you are considering something that matters. Try reframing the discomfort as creative indecision and embrace the process of engaging with new possibilities.

These reflection points encourage a more balanced assessment of risk and can prevent the mind from exaggerating unlikely negative outcomes. While no decision comes with complete certainty, making thoughtful choices that are guided by your values, informed by realistic thinking, and supported by action can help you move forward with greater confidence.

Reflection points:

• How serious would it be if I made the wrong decision?
• What are the benefits of making the right decision?
• How bad is the worst possible outcome?
• How likely is that worst outcome to happen?
• What would my best friend advise?
   

How do I stop dwelling on the 'what ifs' after I've made a choice?

After making a decision, it's easy to become caught in a cycle of 'what ifs' thoughts. Our minds often replay the alternatives, imagining that the road not taken would somehow have been easier or led to a better outcome. In reality, we can never know whether that would have been true, and spending too much time revisiting the past can keep us stuck.

Instead, remind yourself that a good decision is one made thoughtfully, using the information available at the time and guided by your values, not one judged solely by how things eventually turn out. Every meaningful choice involves letting go of other possibilities, so rather than striving for the perfect decision, aim to be comfortable with one that is good enough.

When doubts begin to resurface, try shifting your attention from “What if?” to “What now?” Ask yourself: “What can I influence today, and what small step could help me move forward?” If the decision is something that can be reviewed later, choose a specific date to revisit it and give yourself permission to put the question down until then. With time and perspective, you may find that the outcome is more positive than you initially imagined.

Sometimes the decisions we doubt most turn out to be the ones that open up new possibilities. Confidence doesn't come from always making the perfect decision; it comes from trusting that, whatever happens, you'll learn, adapt and make the best of the path you've chosen.

It's also worth noticing whether you're searching for certainty rather than clarity. No decision comes with a guarantee, and learning to live with some uncertainty is part of making confident choices. Above all, be as compassionate with yourself as you would be with a close friend.

The tendency to dwell on 'what ifs' after making a decision is very common. There is rarely such a thing as a perfect decision. Most of the time, there is simply the best decision we can make with the information we have today. Perhaps the goal isn't to make perfect decisions. Perhaps the goal is to become someone who trusts themselves to handle whatever follows.

Reflection points:

• What values, priorities, or beliefs guided your choice, and are you confident about the process you followed in making the decision?
• Which 'what if' thoughts keep returning most often?
• What evidence do you have that the road not taken would definitely have been better?
• Are you seeking clarity, or are you searching for a level of certainty that no decision can provide?
• How do you speak to yourself when you doubt a decision, and what would a kinder, more supportive inner voice say?
• How can I bring my best self to the decision I have made and create the best possible future from here?
• What does my gut instinct tell me about the decision I have made?

If you’re struggling with a difficult decision or feeling unsure about your next step, working with a coach can give you the space to explore your options, clarify what matters to you and find a way forward that feels right for you.