How to reduce anxiety and become more confident

If you struggle with worrying or feel that you lack confidence, you are not alone!

Irrespective of the many reasons why clients get in touch with me, everyone finds themselves challenged by emotional difficulties such as worrying and confidence at different times in their lives. They are the main reasons why people report feeling stuck and unable to find a way forward.

However, it’s really hard to think your way out of your emotional challenges on your own, simply because of the way our brains are designed.

How can we manage worries?

One solution is to turn to another person. This is where coaching can be enormously helpful because it involves working with a professional who is trained to help you to step out of the place which is keeping you stuck and support you in finding new perspectives which will enable you to move forward.

Coaching to give you confidence

Coaching addresses your goals, confidence, decisions, behaviours, perspectives and next steps. If you could think your way out of what’s keeping you stuck on your own, you probably would have done so by now.

The solutions lie within you but they are so much harder to uncover on your own. A good coach will be objective and challenging around what’s getting in the way, and equally will fully support you in identifying and taking the small steps which will enable you to move forward.

My advice to manage your anxieties

1. Deeply embedded habits and behaviours are really hard to change, so, first of all, be self-compassionate.

Tell yourself, “I’m doing the best I can” and if things don’t work out, simply ask yourself, “What can I learn and what will I do differently in the future?” Above all, try to avoid being self-critical – you don’t need to add a layer of shame to what you’re already finding difficult.

2. Ask yourself when you are feeling anxious: "What's the worst that can happen?"

Invariably, it's unlikely to be as bad as you think. 

3. Try writing down your worries. Better still, schedule some 'worry time' each day. 

Whenever an uninvited worry pops into your head, outside your worry time, you say to yourself: “It’s not my time to worry now, I’ll get to you later.”  Try not to let your worries have more attention than they deserve. You can’t get rid of all your worries but you can keep them in their place.

Ofcourse, you don't want to bottle up your feelings, so making sure you commit to the worry time each day is hugely important. In this time you can sit - separate to the emotional reaction you had at the time - and contemplate in a rational mindset the root of these worries. 

4. Visualise what you want and imagine yourself achieving it. 

For example, if you feel anxious about going to a party or attending an interview, imagine yourself there and interacting confidently with the people you encounter. Practice this positive-scenario visual rehearsal until it becomes easy to remember how you felt, so that you can call on it whenever you want to.

5. Think back to an occasion in the past when you felt confident and capable, in a flow with what was taking place and enjoying yourself. 

Fully take in how you felt and the impact you were having. This is your true nature which you can conjure up and bring to any situation.

6. Avoid comparing yourself to others and their portrayals on the social media. As with fashion models, you are seeing a selective and airbrushed version of reality!

Remember, you are perfect just as you are, and there is always the opportunity to develop and become more of who you really are.

Building confidence doesn't mean never feeling anxious or uncertain. It can mean learning to recognise your strengths, responding to yourself with greater compassion and finding ways to move forward even when something feels challenging.

Start with the ideas that feel most useful to you and focus on small, manageable steps. If worry or self-doubt is making it difficult to move towards your goals, working with a coach can give you space to explore what's getting in the way, consider different perspectives and identify the next steps that feel right for you.