How to protect your self-worth when others diminish you
Have you ever been made to feel worse in times of doubt and trouble by those who are supposed to love you? l have, and when you allow this, you can end up feeling shame as well as feeling low or worried. So, l think it is so important not to go to those who endlessly prove they are not in your corner, even when and though you always hope and pray for a different outcome.

How others’ opinions impact your self-worth
How easy is it if you have a value wound of low self-esteem to put your own believed appraisal in the hands of others and imagine your safety possible from within their corrupt harbours?
To allow yourself to be defined negatively not just by what you choose, or do, or say, or believe to be who you are too, alongside where others' personal prejudices become somehow an offer of diminished identity, which has in fact far more to do with their own issues rather than you and who you are, according to them.
Let me be quite clear: others' issues are about them - not you.
Your value is not to be decided by others, because if it is always in others' hands then alongside that will be the safety of your emotional health and your sovereignty will always be at risk.
Why your self-worth matters
So many times have l worked with people who have reached out in utter despair despite their amazing achievements whose feelings of worthlessness have sent them reeling into depression and submission to hopelessness.
Because our need to belong and to be accepted and included is so fundamental, we can believe their poor version of our intentions and take them as our own, and can also sometimes seek to even please those who so easily condemn us.
Someone who has your true well-being at heart is someone who will:
- give you their time and care
- believe in you and think the best - not doubting your true intentions, ever
- offer a hand or a listening ear when you fall down in any way (which all of us do from time to time)
This will not be about exchange but about instead someone who will sit in the mud alongside us, not judge us.
How is value decided? If it doesn’t come from within. It is wholly our own responsibility to nurture self-belief. To create our own value system that feels like a true and authentic reflection of who we are. So that we are not shaken when we feel attacked by those who neither know us nor care.
Resentment l have heard is something that grows one feeling at a time. When you hang out with or rely on people who run you down and assume the worst about you, will also end up harbouring resentment which will likely be unspoken. So it will live rent-free inside of you, not them.
Identifying toxic behaviours
Here are some clues and things to notice about others who diminish your value, and how to become aware of behaviours that they display:
- They will go straight to assuming the worst about your part in something or anything.
- They will refer always to other times they remembered so that you can also, of past mistakes or bad choices you made historically even if you haven’t done anything similar for years.
- They will use expressions like, "Everybody else thinks..." as if to emphasise that it’s not just them who thinks this.
- They won’t give you the benefit of the doubt.
- Their 'support' will be conditional and make you feel you regret asking for it.
- It will feel bad, and shame will be involved.
None of the above is what anyone who didn’t have issues with valuing you would say to you.
Surround yourself with support
Things that someone who values you would say:
- "Don’t worry, l have your back."
- "Of course l will help."
- "How can l help? Is there anything l can do?"
They will always believe the best in you and show that by their actions of support. It will feel good. People who care remind you of your achievements, not your mistakes.
It is important to strengthen your self-worth by surrounding yourself with others that support who you are, as well as also feeling free to live in your own truth which you should not feel has to be negotiable in order or exchange for going along with views just to fit in or garner support which will always be conditional.
Working with a supportive therapist can be really helpful when you are struggling with your self-esteem. There are many therapists who will be prepared to lower fees that can be within a budget, l know l do. Don’t be ashamed or afraid to ask.
If this is not affordable during these tough financial times, then there are articles like this and others to read and podcasts to listen to which can be a marvellous help during times of doubt and worry.
We learn from our experiences, it doesn’t matter how many times you 'fall down', it is about having the courage to get back up again without shame because you 'fell'.
