How to overcome imposter syndrome

Have you ever felt like a fraud, despite your achievements? Do you often attribute your successes to luck or mistake, rather than your own abilities? You might be experiencing imposter syndrome, a common phenomenon that affects many people. 

The good news is that this isn't a mental health disorder or something we are born with, but a personal growth area; a challenge that can be addressed with self-awareness and the right tools.

What exactly is imposter syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is an experience where individuals, who are often, in reality, achieving a lot in their lives, doubt their abilities and feel like they don't deserve their success. People experiencing it tend to attribute their achievements to luck, mistake, overwork, or relationships, rather than their own capabilities. They also tend to dismiss praise and compliments, often feeling a sense of fear or guilt about their success.

This can show up in two typical vicious cycles – do you recognise these in yourself?

Cycle one

A trigger or event leads you to feel anxious, causing you to overwork to compensate for feeling like a ‘fraud’. Despite getting approval, you dismiss praise (e.g. saying things to yourself like: “Well I was lucky this time” or “I had a lot of help from others”) -  restarting the cycle.

Cycle two

A trigger causes you performance anxiety. You then sabotage yourself, often by procrastinating or needing to perfect things before taking action. When you do take action, you either ignore positive feedback, or hyper-focus on negative feedback, reinforcing the idea of being a fraud and starting the cycle again. When I used to run training courses I would read the course delegate feedback reviews after the course and if I had 20 feedback forms, would skip over the 19 positive ratings to focus on the one negative review!

It's important to remember that imposter syndrome is not a reflection of your true capabilities - It's a feeling, not a fact.

The roots of imposter syndrome

Imposter syndrome doesn't come from nowhere. Often, it can be traced back to childhood experiences, particularly the roles we were assigned within our family. See if you can relate to any of these roles:

The intelligent one

Did you feel the pressure to maintain an image of being bright and capable, leading to feelings of inadequacy when something is difficult?

The hard-working one

Were you labelled as a hard worker, believing that your achievements come only from hard work, making you feel things ‘don’t count’ if they come easily?

The perfectionist

Did you feel that you must be flawless in everything you do? Were mistakes seen as personal failures or something that made you feel unsafe?

The people-pleaser or helper

Did you tend to be focused on meeting others' needs and gaining approval? Did you feel like you were never "good enough" unless acknowledged or praised by others?

The golden child or high achiever

Were you praised for being exceptional in several areas and felt a strong pressure to live up to these high standards? Did any setbacks feel like a confirmation that you aren’t as special or capable as others think?

The independent or lone wolf

Did you pride yourself on doing everything alone and struggle to ask for help? If you needed assistance, did you fear it might show up your lack of ability or strength?

The rebel or black sheep

Were you sometimes labelled as the troublemaker or outsider, so that when you did succeed, you felt that your accomplishments were a fluke or that you didn’t belong in certain groups?

How imposter syndrome impacts your life

Imposter syndrome can have a profound impact on various aspects of your life. These childhood roles often manifest at work, where you might feel compelled to be the best in class or the hardest worker on the team.

My clients often feel like they are falling short of their goals, trapped in toxic work dynamics, and having little life outside of work due to overworking. They may experience shame and embarrassment, often believing they are the only ones dealing with this. Additionally, it can lead to:

• Burnout: Overworking to compensate for feelings of inadequacy often results in exhaustion.
• Self-sabotage: Procrastination and avoidance of opportunities due to fear of failure.
• Difficulty internalising success: Dismissing praise and compliments, making it difficult to feel genuinely proud of your accomplishments.
• Impact on career: Fear of being exposed can stop people seeking career progression or they may not make choices which will benefit them.

Common myths about imposter syndrome

There are many misconceptions about imposter syndrome, which can make it even more difficult for people to overcome. It is important to dispel these myths:

Myth: Only women experience imposter syndrome.
Fact: While the initial research focused on women, studies show that both men and women experience it. 
 
Myth: Imposter syndrome is a good thing that motivates people to achieve.
Fact: Studies show that imposter syndrome can actually hinder success, affecting things like progression and salary.
 
Myth: Affirmations can make it go away.
Fact: While affirmations can help, they need to be paired with real evidence and concrete actions, and not just used as words.

Myth: Imposter syndrome is caused by oppression.
Fact: While external messages and marginalisation can make things worse, imposter syndrome is not caused by it.

Myth: It will never go away.
Fact: With the right tools and strategies, imposter syndrome can be addressed effectively. I teach my clients skills that can be developed, will stay with the client and can be used long-term.

How coaching can help

Coaching can be an invaluable resource for addressing imposter syndrome. Unlike therapy, which might focus on diagnostic conditions, coaching focuses on personal growth and professional development.

A coach can help you:

• Identify triggers: Recognise the situations, people or things that trigger feelings of inadequacy.
• Understand origins: Explore family dynamics and how it connects to present-day experience.
• Break the cycle: Interrupt the patterns of overworking or self-sabotage.
• Reframe your narrative: Help you identify the ‘self-talk’ that is holding your patterns of behaviour in place, and develop a more accurate understanding of your abilities and achievements.
• Build self-care practices: Prioritise your well-being and prevent burnout.
• Develop a support system: Build a community of people that can support you.

Through coaching, you can gain a deeper understanding of your imposter syndrome, develop practical strategies for managing it, and ultimately, start to unlock your true potential.

It's time to take control

Imposter syndrome doesn't have to control your life. By recognising it, understanding its roots, and taking action, you can start to believe in your abilities and achieve your goals without the burden of self-doubt. If any of this resonates with you, consider reaching out to a professional to start this journey of self-discovery and empowerment.

You are not alone, and you are more capable than you think.