How to navigate sudden life changes and find your way forward

What do you do when a major rug in your life gets pulled out from under you? You know that feeling where you’ve been in a pattern that suddenly falls apart? The strange thing is that you don’t have to have been overjoyed with the pattern, you might have been delighted with how things were, you might have just got through it by focusing on one day at a time or you might have felt bored, stifled or resented it. A pattern has some sense of security to it though, however you feel about the pattern itself. 

What I’m saying is that sudden life changes can really throw a spanner in the works for anyone, not just those who were thrilled with their lot. Being unsure of what to do, how to respond or how to feel are very common responses. You may feel afraid, lost or completely stuck. It’s OK to feel these things, we tend to be creatures of habit and we like patterns and predictability.

Life coaching is potentially a good step if you find yourself in this quandary. Working with a life coach, you have a safe space to explore what you’re experiencing with a professional who won’t judge you and who absolutely is there in your corner to help you succeed. A life coach gives you the space to find clarity, direction and the way past the challenges.

Sudden life change comes with deep emotional and mental impact. We often don’t realise just how much of ‘ourselves’ are involved in a situation, relationship or environment until it’s not there anymore and this gives rise to all sorts of vulnerabilities. Below are some of the common major life changes that leave us feeling like the wind has been knocked out of us:

Examples of major life changes 

Relationships

A break-up can have a magnitude of effects, including the emotional pain of losing an intimacy, a partner, a confidante. Depending on the events surrounding it, you may be facing loneliness, fear, worries about living arrangements, children, pets, friendships and the fear of people taking sides. You may feel your identity is lost as you were so much a part of this relationship and you now struggle to recognise who you are without them. 

Job loss

Losing your job can leave you feeling cast out, causing feelings of resentment, betrayal, fear of financial instability, embarrassment and deep uncertainty for the future. Worries about finding a new job can have a strong impact on your emotional and mental well-being. Any one of these feelings can be overwhelming and it can be difficult to find the right professional direction to go in.

Relocation

Whether it’s a dream you always had to move to a distant place or you found yourself taken along on someone else’s journey, the reality is that you can be dealing with feelings of isolation, loneliness, fear and loss as you miss friends, family and all familiarity. You can be challenged by feelings of vulnerability as you look for who you can trust in an entirely new environment. Finding your place in a new community can take time but it can be difficult to know where and how to start.

Health

Changes to your health can alter the entire way you live your life. Whether it’s a physical or mental diagnosis, or both, there are likely to be adaptations needed to support you in your new reality and this can be a lot to deal with. The fear for your ultimate well-being, the loss of your previous freedom, the feelings of guilt, regret and worry are very prominent responses.

These are just a very few examples but you can see there are recurring themes of fear, loneliness, stress, worry and loss (of self, others and environment). These are common emotions during life changes and we all experience them as the unique individuals we are. Ultimately, while your experience is unique to you, you’re not alone.

How to move forward

Major life changes will undoubtedly disrupt routines and leave you feeling turned around as you’re suddenly unsure of which way you’re supposed to be going. This disruption takes away the day-to-day established patterns that you’ve been used to and so, instead of being able to just listen to that podcast or daydream while you do the washing up, nothing feels normal anymore. You’re on high alert as you wonder what tomorrow has in store for you. 

Feeling this stuck is a normal part of the adjustment to change. It’s the time when you need to find your new direction and there’s bound to be some confusion during this time. For many of you, your former lifestyle felt comfortable by comparison in that it was predictable, whether you loved it or not, and now you don’t know what to expect. This is normal, it’s a part of your transition. Adjusting to change requires some time to evaluate what’s going on both within yourself and in your environment. Part of this may include accepting the loss of what you had before and mentally, emotionally and even physically preparing for the changes to come. 

Life coaching can help you to break the cycles of the past by helping you clarify what it is that you truly want, what you value and how you can get there. A life coach will help you to focus on your present and future instead of dwelling on the past. 

One of the big challenges when you’re feeling stuck is figuring out a first step. How do you know which direction to go in when you’re not even sure which way you’re facing? The fact is sometimes you do need to experiment a little to find the right direction, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Here are some tips that can help you get started along your new path: 

• Break tasks down. You know that to-do list that has suddenly got these unfamiliar and overwhelming things on it? Break every task that looks huge and scary into smaller, more manageable steps. Who said it all has to be done in one massive go? One step closer is still one step closer and that movement is progress. Keep going.
• Reframe negative thoughts. Look at the difference between expectations and reality, recognise what you can control and don’t give yourself a hard time. There’s often an emotional misconception that causes stress about things we can and can’t control. Especially at times when you’re feeling vulnerable, keep your focus on what you really can control.
• Reach out to friends, family and/or professionals when you feel you need some support. It could be that talking things over with your loved ones over a cup of tea (virtually if you’ve relocated), can help with feelings of isolation and loneliness and can also help you define what you’re going to do next. Alternatively, look for support groups or professionals in the areas you’re struggling with. 

Sudden life change can be very challenging to navigate but it can also be the catalyst for something new, positive and inspiring. The process can be frightening and confusing but along the way, you can find the curiosity, resilience and confidence that you never even knew you had. It’s your personal and unique journey but that doesn’t mean that you have to go it alone. Getting support can help you gain clarity, develop the emotional tools to overcome obstacles and blocks and achieve your goals. If there’s a change on your horizon, reach out for a discovery call and find your coach.