How to build emotional connections

In a world where we're more connected than ever, it's ironic how disconnected we can feel. Despite the ability to reach out to anyone with the tap of a button, many of us struggle to build real emotional connections with the people around us. Whether it’s in romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics, fostering deep, meaningful connections takes more than just conversation — it requires empathy, vulnerability, and active listening.

But what exactly does it mean to connect on an emotional level, and how can we begin to foster those relationships that leave us feeling truly understood and valued?

1. The power of empathy

Empathy is the cornerstone of emotional connection. When you empathise, you don’t just listen to the words someone is saying — you listen to their feelings and needs behind those words. You step into their shoes and try to experience the world from their perspective. This kind of deep listening can make others feel truly seen and understood.

How to practice empathy:

• Next time you're in a conversation, instead of thinking about how you'll respond, focus on what the other person is really saying.
• Ask yourself, "What are they feeling? What do they need right now?"
• Reflect back on what you hear. Phrases like "It sounds like you're feeling [emotion]" or "I hear that you're needing [need]" can go a long way in showing you're truly listening.

2. Vulnerability: The key to real connection

Brené Brown, a leading researcher on vulnerability, says that vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, and connection. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we open the door to deeper intimacy and trust. Vulnerability isn’t about oversharing, but rather about being authentic and open with how you feel.

How to be more vulnerable:

• Start by sharing something small with someone you trust — something you might normally keep to yourself out of fear of judgement.
• Use "I feel" statements. For example, "I feel hurt when..." or "I feel scared that..."
• Acknowledge when something makes you uncomfortable and express it kindly.

3. Active listening: The foundation of emotional bonds

Many of us think we’re good listeners, but how often are we really hearing the other person? Active listening means not only hearing the words but tuning into the emotions behind them. It’s about creating a safe space where the other person feels comfortable opening up.

How to practice active listening:

• Maintain eye contact and give verbal affirmations like “I see” or “Tell me more.”
• Refrain from interrupting, even if you think you know what they’re going to say.

After they’ve spoken, summarise what they said to ensure you’ve understood. Active listening is the gateway to deeper emotional bonds. By showing someone you truly hear them, you create a connection based on trust and understanding. People feel valued when they know they’ve been heard.

4. Shared experiences build bonds

Shared experiences, whether big or small, create memories that bond us emotionally to others. This could be as simple as cooking a meal together, going on a hike, or spending a quiet evening discussing your favourite books. It’s about being present and creating moments that matter.

How to create shared experiences:

• Set aside intentional time to connect with those you care about, even if it’s just a short walk or coffee date.
• Engage in new activities together, such as trying out a new hobby, watching a movie, or playing a game.
• Be fully present during these experiences. Put your phone away, make eye contact, and be in the moment.

The science behind emotional connections

On a biological level, emotional connections are crucial to our health. Research shows that strong social relationships release serotonin, a neurotransmitter that boosts mood and well-being. Social isolation, on the other hand, can lead to increased levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, which can affect everything from heart health to cognitive function.

Neuroscience has also revealed that when we feel truly understood by someone, our brain’s reward system is activated, releasing oxytocin, often referred to as the “bonding hormone.” This creates a sense of safety, belonging, and emotional closeness, which strengthens the relationship even further.

The pain of disconnection

On the flip side, feeling disconnected can take a toll. When we feel unseen or misunderstood, it’s like being in a room full of people yet feeling completely invisible. Over time, this sense of disconnection can lead to anxiety, stress, and even depression.

Stats on loneliness:

• According to a 2020 survey, 3.7 million adults in the UK often or always feel lonely.
• Chronic loneliness has been linked to higher risks of heart disease, stroke, and dementia.
• People with strong social relationships have a 50% increased likelihood of survival compared to those with weaker relationships.

Taking the next step toward connection

Building emotional connections isn’t something that happens overnight, but it’s absolutely worth the effort. When we invest in deeper, more meaningful relationships, the impact on our happiness, well-being, and even our health is profound. Remember, emotional connection is a journey — and it starts with the small steps we take today.