How to ask better coaching questions

I was recently reminded that the way we phrase questions can be key.

My colleague asked a member of the team, who was unhappy in his role, what he wanted. His response was to say quite clearly what he didn’t want.

On the surface, this is not easy for the person trying to facilitate more positive working conditions. In this example, the person being asked was very focused on the negative position in which he found himself. But giving space for discussion of what’s not right at least allowed him to air his views in some detail.

This meant the person trying to help gained more understanding of his point of view. It also meant that, having invited comprehensive feedback, the questioner was then in a stronger position to encourage more discussion from an alternative view. Once the details of what’s not right have been established, or even exhausted, it can feel more natural to look to the alternative of what is, or could be, right.

So, whereas my colleague, the person’s manager, felt somewhat exasperated by the negative response, it could also form the basis of the person feeling listened to, before being supported to consider other views and options that might work in his favour.

Go deep, go beyond

Another way of using potentially negative responses to elicit a more productive outcome is to explore the negative issues in more depth.

For example, when coaching a group of employees from a company, they outlined many of the things in the workplace that they felt were unproductive or negative. These included the fact that the phone kept ringing with nobody answering it, and that the work vans were often late to leave for appointments because they weren’t loaded with the necessary equipment for the job.

For the issue with the telephones, I encouraged people to think about what it would be like if the phones were simply left to ring and ring by everyone. That immediately sparked horrified groans of unacceptability.

So, we talked about flipping this extreme scenario into its opposite: what if the phones had to be answered within three rings, for example? Not only did this offer a better scenario, but it was also undeniable that this was perfectly attainable. If somebody was in the office to hear the phone, then they were near enough to answer it.

The idea of seeing it as everybody’s role was neither daunting nor difficult, and it triggered good-natured competitiveness among staff, with the aim of “getting to the phone before the fourth ring”.

As for the vans, after being prompted to think about how to make the situation worse, the team again found it easy to suggest that this would involve never restocking the vans after an appointment.

The team then spontaneously discussed among themselves how they could make sure that the vans were stocked regularly. Their own experience and expertise in the industry meant that I, at no point, needed to understand the ins and outs of their daily activities. I could simply allow them to work out what was best for them, with the occasional prompt such as “Who will take on that role?” or “When can that happen?”

Ask the question anyway

Another way of “flipping the question” can help people retain insight into their situation.

When I work with people in periods of transition or change, I find that questions like “Can you do this alone?” may be met with a positive and confident response. But I find there is no harm in eliciting thoughts from the alternative viewpoint and asking, for example, “Could you benefit from some help?”

Similarly, “Are you managing your website?” may meet with an affirmative response, but there is no harm in asking, “How long is your daughter happy, or able, to help you with it?”

Likewise, a negative response can be challenged with a “flip”: “So you say you don’t think your wife is interested in your business plans. Have you asked her?”

There may be room for a few linguistic gymnastics, too. It can be surprising how forcing an opposite question can elicit less opposition than a very different viewpoint.

I recall asking somebody who was aiming to give up smoking, “What will happen if you stop smoking?” He responded with the known benefits of better health, cost savings and so on. But when asked, “What will not happen if you stop smoking?”, the immediate response was, “Well, the sky won’t fall in!”

This revealed a simple truth: it wasn't impossible.

Forward-flip

Don’t get me wrong, it can feel awkward asking challenging questions or letting people expand on the negatives. But, in my experience, it can lead to greater insight, better understanding and, ultimately, relief if it helps to move things forward.