6 ways to navigate hard times with more grace

When life gets difficult, we don't always respond in the way we'd like. Stress, frustration or uncertainty can bring out reactions that we later look back on and wish we'd handled differently.

For me, navigating hard times with grace means being able to look back and feel proud of how I handled a difficult situation.

This is important to me because there have been plenty of times in the past when I've cringed a little at my behaviour! If you find yourself regularly left with that 'icky' feeling and beating yourself up, I hear you.

Over time, I've learned a few things that help me navigate those difficult moments differently.

How to navigate hard times with grace

1. Be gentle with yourself

Firstly, let's start by being gentle and treating ourselves like our own best friend. We all play a number of different roles in our daily life, often having to juggle conflicting priorities, responsibilities and expectations. And when life gets hard, our capacity diminishes, and it can become even more difficult to fulfil all these roles and expectations.

Sadly, instead of increasing our self-care and self-compassion to help ourselves navigate these tricky times as gracefully as possible, many of us focus on others, give ourselves a kicking and push even harder, and then end up in a heap wondering how we got there!

Self-care is essentially a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. It is very simply caring for ourselves, in the same way we would care for someone that we love.

But whilst this may sound simple, it's not necessarily easy, and this is why so many of us continue to put other people's feelings, wants and needs in front of our own, to the detriment of ourselves.

Constantly putting others first can leave us feeling depleted. When things get hard, it's time to give yourself permission to be human, to slow down, rest, cancel commitments, and ask for and accept offers of help and support from others.

2. Feel all the feels

No one wants to experience negative feelings and situations, and I am no different. I can procrastinate, avoid and bury my head in the sand just as well as the rest of you. I have a myriad of avoidance tactics that successfully stop me from dealing with difficult things such as work, Netflix, food and booze!

Escapism is the best... until it isn't! Because the thing is, avoiding difficult feelings doesn't necessarily make the situation go away. Acknowledging how you feel can sometimes help you understand what you need.

Your feelings may encourage you to think about things such as:

• your unmet needs
• boundaries that may have been crossed
• difficult conversations you need to have
• actions you could take to help yourself move forward.

Yes, diving into those difficult places isn't fun and probably won't bring you any short-term joy. But giving yourself space to acknowledge your feelings can be an important part of navigating a difficult situation.

3. Focus on what you can control

No matter how much our inner control freak wants to control everything, the sad reality is that we can't! Trying to control the uncontrollable is exhausting. It's also incredibly disempowering.

When we focus our energy on those things that we can influence, it enables us to make changes, builds confidence, and empowers us to move forward and become the creator of our life.

Conversely, if we are putting our energy into things we cannot change or have very little influence over, we will drain our battery and other people may also start to see us as unduly negative and critical.

What can we have some influence over? Our responses, behaviours, choices and where we choose to direct our attention. Even in the crappiest of situations, considering what is within your control can give you somewhere to focus your energy.

4. Have a little faith

I'm not a particularly religious person; however, I do believe in something bigger than ourselves. When you acknowledge that there is a force bigger than you at play in your life, it may allow you to loosen your grip on things a little.

Often tough times can feel chaotic and the instinctive thing to do is to take it upon ourselves to try and regain control in some way. This can lead to us choosing comfort over courage and hanging on so tightly to things (our beliefs, being right, people, jobs, etc) that it ends up taking a toll on our wellbeing and relationships with others.

Essentially, we can allow fear to influence our behaviour.

For me, the opposite of fear and doubt is trust - trusting myself to deal with what happens, even when I can't know or control the outcome. The one consistent thing in all our lives is change. Nothing is certain. So sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves (and others) is to have a little faith, trust and let go.

Remember, this too shall pass...

5. Notice your judgement

Sometimes our reactions to other people can tell us something useful about our own values, expectations or sensitivities.

When you notice yourself judging someone else, try using this judgement as an opportunity to get curious about why it bothers you so much.

For example, if you perceive someone as selfish because they prioritise their needs, maybe it's worth considering whether you could make more space for your own needs too.

I choose to embrace the belief that we are all doing the best we can with the knowledge and the resources we have at this moment. Once we know better, then we can do better, but often that knowledge is the wisdom of hindsight - the new knowledge and experience we gained from making that choice, in that situation, at that time.

That doesn't mean that someone's best is always good enough or that we should put up with poor behaviour or performance. It simply means we stop 'should-ing' all over ourselves and others, accept what is, and act accordingly.

Now I appreciate that those of you with high standards for yourself and others may recoil at this perspective! And interestingly, I've also noticed in my coaching practice that some of the high achievers, pushers and perfectionists I work with can find this mindset shift particularly useful.

6. Start sifting for gold

In my experience, I've sometimes been able to find something to learn or hold onto after a difficult or sad situation, although this isn't always immediately possible.

This doesn't mean you can't be angry, hurt, upset or any other combo of emotions that are true for you at that moment. As I said, feel all the feels.

And, when the storm has passed, when you feel ready, see if you can sift through all that and find a few nuggets of gold. Is there anything to learn? Can you remember any good times that you can cherish?

Difficult experiences can sometimes teach us something about ourselves, our values and what (and who) is really important to us in life.