Be more assertive: Communicate to get the results you want
How do you express yourself?
Do you go from mute to brute?
Do you sometimes say the wrong word at the wrong time, or say nothing when you wished you had said something, or said yes when you meant no?
By being more assertive and communicating better you will increase confidence and self-esteem whilst earning the respect of others.
Whether it's coworkers, your boss, your friends or your partner you need to speak in a way that is clear and yet respectful at the same time.
You can speak powerfully without being overpowering. You can get what you want without creating resentment or rubbing someone up the wrong way.
It isn't about being right, it's about being effective.
Because being more assertive, doesn't mean being aggressive, dumping or being sarcastic.
Learn the difference between discernment and judgment. If you feel emotionally charged and what you want to say carries a risk, pause for 24 hours before saying anything. Write an email out addressed to them and send it to yourself, then delete it. That diffuses a lot of resentment or irritation.
You dilute your message and weaken your requests and statements when you say:
I'm wondering if...
Sorry to trouble you...
I could be wrong but...
You may not agree, but...
Does that make sense?
I'm not very good at...
No one will take you seriously as you are not taking yourself seriously.
So many people are unaware that their words communicate thoughts not feelings. By expressing thoughts as feelings it confuses people. However when you express the specific feelings behind the thoughts what you say then becomes more powerful.
Use statements such as:
Thanks for sharing your opinion, but I have a different perspective.
I feel told off like a child for asking what I believe to be a reasonable question.
Would it make a difference if...?
I need an extension for this project. How can we make this happen?
It's not my intention to offend you.
Help me understand how you see it that way.
Being more assertive will not resolve all your issues, but changing the words and phrases you use and having the courage to speak up will make a huge difference and can totally transform you.
You can do it - make it happen.
It's your time to shine.
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Caroline Wellingham - Accredited Career and Life Coach, NLP PractitionerJuly 12th, 2017