How to deal with criticism and negative feedback

We all respond to criticism in different ways when we receive it. One individual will emotionally respond to the same negative feedback completely differently from another. In addition, not all criticism is well intended either.

Generally, people who criticise may have a positive intention behind their words. In reality, this is not always the case, and it’s important to know the difference between what has a positive intention and what doesn’t. Consistent negative feedback can be very draining and upsetting, and although we can never be in control of what other people say to us, we can consider how we want to respond to what they say.

Here are seven resourceful ways you can deal with criticism:

1. Consider why the criticism affected you

If you are sensitive to negative feedback or something has recently upset you, consider whether the particular comments you received have touched on something you’ve already been thinking or feeling about yourself.

2. Explore what has upset you

If a comment hurts or upsets you, take time to go into the hurt you are feeling. Ask yourself what it is that has upset you and why it has bothered you. Has it made you feel exposed or vulnerable, or touched on something you're already sensitive about?

3. Consider whether there is something you want to address

If the criticism has highlighted something you would like to work on, what could you do to address it?

Rather than pushing your emotions aside, take some time to consider what you're feeling and whether there's anything useful you can take from the experience.

4. Think about what could help

What could you do to change these feelings? Many people are carrying around stressful memories and experiences. Think about what could help you process what you're feeling. This might mean taking some time to reflect, talking it through with someone you trust or doing something that helps you manage stress.

5. Be open to other people’s feedback

Often we can learn a lot from the relationships we have with other people, whether these are our colleagues, friends or partners. They can act as a mirror for us to understand ourselves more.

So could this person be giving you some useful advice after all?

6. Take responsibility when appropriate

If you have a hiccup at work, it’s good practice to take responsibility for any oversights and acknowledge when something didn’t work out as intended. Being open about mistakes can help you have a more constructive conversation about what happened and what you could do next.

7. Recognise when criticism crosses a line

Not all criticism is necessarily welcome or intended to be nice. Sometimes we can be on the receiving end of bullying or, at worst, abuse.

If you feel you are being singled out or picked on, it is important to discuss this with someone you trust. If the situation is work-related, it is important to speak to your manager or supervisor, or another manager if the situation relates to your manager.

In addition, if you are experiencing consistent negative criticism from a partner or a friend, consider what boundaries or support may be appropriate for the situation. If someone's behaviour is consistently affecting you negatively, think about what steps you can take to protect your wellbeing and seek further support where needed.