You're menopausal? You're gorgeous

I bet you don't see the word gorgeous associated with menopause very often. Some other words that may not seem to snuggle in with our image of menopause are joyful, vibrant, optimistic, care-free, sexy or beautiful. How do you see yourself? What are your views on menopausal women?

Society and the menopause

It's the way we view menopause as a society and the way we, as women, view ourselves that disassociates these words with menopause.

Words that I hear in context with menopause are moody, anxious, depressed, past it, invisible and dried up. These words have such a detrimental effect on how we experience menopause because what we expect to feel often helps shape our perception of reality. You may feel anxious during perimenopause, but because it is expected as a symptom, you may feel a victim of it and accept your fate.

A man who feels anxious in his 50's may also put this down to a mid-life crisis due to the same reasons. What we believe due to social beliefs and definitions, often shape our reality.

Historical understanding of women

In Victorian times, it was thought that women's brains were connected to their womb and that they were predisposed to insanity - especially during menopause. Many women spent menopause in an asylum and others, due to the lack of knowledge among the male medics of the time, had their ovaries removed as a cure. Women in menopause were seen as motherly and the idea that they still had sexual desires was outrageous. I'm so glad we've moved on from those times, but still...

The conversation about menopause

Today menopause is still not spoken about openly. I still hear phrases such as 'women of a certain age', 'she's at that time of her life', 'she's having a moment' and so menopause continues to define us.  

If women decide to break free of these paradigms, menopause will lose it's grip.   

Yes, the symptoms can make you feel like you're going mad - yes they are uncomfortable and can even be so severe as to cause major disruption to your life. We can't choose to ignore it, nor can we escape it - it's part of life - but we can choose how we live with it. Menopause need not define you.

Belief is a powerful energy. What we believe creates our idea of reality. If I believe that I'm useless at something, it affects the way I do it and the outcome. 

The importance of a positive mindset during menopause

If we believe that menopause defines who we are, and we have a negative imprint in our minds of what menopause is (the majority, I would say) it's safe to say that we are already in a trap that will be difficult to get out of. Our belief in what our grandmothers and mothers have passed down to us may also hold an unconscious but powerful spell over how we experience menopause. The pain or discomfort or even the embarrassment - it all contributes to the negativity around this totally natural cycle of a woman's life.

It's possible to break free of those beliefs and to see menopause as an opportunity for personal growth and positive transformation. It is difficult to change paradigms - it may take generations, but it begins with us. We can live with more care for ourselves, be more self-aware and master our choices so that we begin to deeply connect with the amazing women we are.

The uncomfortable parts of menopause

Like many uncomfortable situations in life, suffering offers evolution in some way. You cannot ignore your body, for example, during perimenopause. I like to personally view hot flushes like a clearing of excess heat - I see it as the heat of my emotions, trapped in my body getting an escape - it feels damned uncomfortable, sometimes unbearable, but I always take a moment to meet and greet each one and connect deeply with my body as I do so - the result is that I feel as though I get very few hot flushes - could they be telling me something?

We need to be responsible about how we talk about menopause with others and how we care for ourselves so that we can inspire future generations rather than scaring them. This is already beginning to happen, but we also need to take more responsibility for our health during this time. More self-nurture and less self-neglect!

I have found that health coaching supports these changes. It can support you to explore all of those beliefs and expectations of who a woman in menopause is, how she looks, how she thinks etc. and to let go of the beliefs that are holding her back in patterns that create an adherence to poor lifestyle choices that only worsen symptoms.  

We need to be sharing, talking, supporting and celebrating each other. We need to raise awareness so that our health care providers improve their level of support, and we need to raise the bar on how we express and live. 

Whether it's medical (e.g. HRT) or lifestyle (e.g. coaching) solutions that you choose to manage symptoms, the choice that will be the definitive choice is the one that chooses the gorgeous you - your relationship with yourself, your amazing light, your wisdom, your very essence that shines through your eyes - choose the beautiful being that you are and have been all through your life - define your gorgeous self and nurture her.

Who says that you can't be vibrant, joyful and sexy during menopause?