Feeling stuck… in my love life
In our feeling stuck series, we look at various areas in our life where we can feel stuck and share practical tips to help you move forward. In our last instalment, we looked at feeling stuck in your creative business and now we want to look a little closer to home – your love life.
We’ve all had those moments where we feel lost or stuck when it comes to romantic relationships. Perhaps you’re single and are finding the risk of dating too much to take on, leaving you stuck where you are. Maybe you’re in a relationship, but things feel… off. You know something needs to change so you can move forward, but you’re not sure what.
Whichever boat you’re in, you’re not alone and there are tools available to help you get unstuck. We spoke to life coaches TJ Gibbs and John Kenny to find out what actions you can take if you’re feeling stuck in your love life.
If you’re single – advice from TJ
Human beings usually operate from either a place of protection or growth. Some will choose certain unhappiness over uncertain happiness. Why? Because, for many, the fear of change is something that comes at too high a price. The saying “better the devil you know” is well versed to those who don’t take risks.
We all know love is a risk! There are no guarantees but whether you’re dating or in a relationship you’re probably looking for that special relationship where you can both love and be loved.
If finding that love is worth the risk but you just don’t know how to start to get out of your own way, face the fear and embrace the uncertainty, here are three simple questions to challenge the doubter in you:
- Have I survived up to now?
- What are my strengths that have helped me survive?
- Can I use these strengths to move past certain unhappiness and take the risk of uncertain happiness?
So which one will you choose – stay bored but protected because what you know is tolerable? Or, are you willing to invest in your happiness, experience growth and let go of what you have in order to get what you deserve?
If you’re in a relationship – advice from John
The first step you could take if you feel stuck in your relationship is to check in with your own emotions. Are you aware of the things within yourself that could be triggering this feeling?
Maybe you have attachment or connection issues that are subconsciously making you close down emotionally and, therefore, feel stuck when you aren’t – you’re just backing away. If you think this may be the case, you can work at getting this resolved within yourself and see how this impacts your relationship.
Next, I would suggest you look at how the relationship is working or not working. Have circumstances changed that mean the dynamics are different?
Have you stopped doing things you used to, are you treating each other differently, haven’t introduced anything new for a while or has the intimacy level changed?
Once you’ve looked at yourself and the bigger relationship picture, then it is time to begin the communication process to try and get some clarification of the space the other person is in and how they see things.
I would suggest that you start to discuss things with your partner. Set aside some time where you can talk through the issues and what can be put in place in order to rectify any concerns.
Give your partner time to think these things through as you have already gone through that process yourself and then come back to it together.
If you are unable to find resolution or there is a reluctance to change, then relationship coaching can be a helpful next step if both parties are willing.