You shape your life with the actions you take every day

That heading probably sounds trite, and you’ve no doubt heard it before, but that’s because it’s true.  

Take a moment to re-read that heading, because it is not only true, it can be immensely powerful if you allow yourself to be guided by it.

The actions you repeat every day become habits and many people fall into the habit of speaking negatively to themselves. That one, nasty habit can hold you back from enjoying life.

Wouldn’t you love to draw a line in the sand and say no more negative self-talk?

“I am positive and confident about my life and my abilities.”

And it starts as simply as that. Say that key sentence to yourself.

“I am positive and confident about my life and my abilities.”

It’s going to take practice because you have to mean it. You have to believe it.  

You can boost your self-esteem and confidence by creating simple, supportive habits. I have included three examples below.

Example 1

Many people struggle with the idea of self-praise because they don’t want to be perceived as arrogant. Arrogance is when you are boasting to other people, but self-praise isn’t arrogance. It’s a nurturing of you, by you.  

Plants are often seen to flourish when they receive positive encouragement, either with people speaking kindly to them or if gentle music is played for them. Self-praise is you nurturing your delicate inner blossom. Be kind to you. You need your love and encouragement after years of being told “can’t” “shouldn’t” “don’t” by others.  

As a very young child, I remember that my best friend and I would spend hours role-playing and acting out imaginary scenes from stories: of circuses, pirates and sea-monsters, cowboys and Indians, etc. We could imagine anything and everything. Once we started school, our role-playing decreased and then stopped because we were taught our limitations and all of the things that we “should and shouldn’t” be doing. 

You will often see and hear young children being amazingly positive about themselves, simply because they’ve not yet been told not to be as wonderful as they are.

Self-praise is about undoing all the negative conditioning you’ve believed in over the years. It’s a positive new habit that you create for yourself. 

Say this simple affirmation to yourself when you complete any chosen activity. For example:

When I open my eyes in the morning. - “I am positive and confident about my life and my abilities.”

I finish brushing my teeth - “I am positive and confident about my life and my abilities.”

I’ve finished lunch - “I am positive and confident about my life and my abilities.”

Example 2 

Take notice of all the good things that you do each day, e.g. taking time to listen to someone; sharing a smile with a stranger; waving to a neighbour; sending a supportive message; helping a friend. Acknowledge all of the actions you do that make a positive difference for others.  

Reviewing your actions at the end of the day, and noting down each of the positive actions you’ve made, is a wonderfully easy habit that will boost your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Example 3

Think back to when you were a child, what did you most want to hear from others? Not what others actually said to you but what did you want to hear. It might be “You can do it.” “I believe in you.” “You are amazing.”

When you look in the mirror, instead of microscopically studying and focusing on your flaws and imperfections (we all have them) consider the uniqueness that is you. Freddie Mercury was teased about his big teeth, but those turned out to be part of his iconic image. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Love yourself and say those things to yourself that you so wanted to hear.

It might feel a bit cheesy at first until you let yourself believe it. Because you can do anything you set your mind to. You can believe in yourself. You are amazing. You are simply out of practice in believing positively, but by using this daily habit you will come to realise how good you are.

People are amazing. We each are amazing. The existence of human life on a rock spinning through space is amazing. And it’s amazing how much time and energy we put into damaging our self-esteem and confidence with negative self-talk throughout our lives.

Negative self-talk is horribly adaptable. The negativities you are wrapped in as a child, and as a teenager, are different from the negativities experienced in different phases of adult life. People can be damaged by negativity, of one sort or another, all their lives.

I am a life coach who focuses on midlife career changes and helping people create the retirement they want to enjoy. Half-way through life, at a time when people might be expected to be confident and assured of their future, many struggle with low self-esteem and feelings of frustration at still not knowing what they really want to do with their life. Money doesn’t buy happiness. Happiness takes work of a different kind.

If you’re struggling to see a positive way ahead, contact me to book a free 45-minute “exploration call” where we can talk about your current situation and how I can help.