When you might resist change in coaching

Coaching is all about change. Like other support services like therapy, it aims to help clients to move forward with greater awareness and understanding of their options and reasons for choosing as they do.

Sometimes those resistances are protective and may be necessary, developed over many years to warn and protect the person against future similar circumstances they 'ought' to avoid.

This in turn can make some changes difficult, even impossible.  However, coaches work around these things, like many other unique tendencies and preferences for you, the client, they work with who you are and how you 'function' in your life - your lifestyle, choices, values, needs and more.

They have the tools to help you change but on your terms, and even without some things having to change especially the protective elements of your outlook and behaviours. It may be frightening to think you might lose those essential lessons in life that now help you live more genuinely to your values and create the right environment for you.

What sort of 'protective' behaviours might there be? 

Neglect or poor and problematic upbringing where money means more to you than to others;

Achievement - your parents may have expected good grades or ongoing training to protect you against the losses they experienced - but they aren't you, with your values, needs and expectations too.

Toxic behaviours towards you by others, like bullying, abuse or dismissing your words and needs.

Being heard is so important and coaching certainly offers that but it could be alien to use your voice and have it heard, your ideas acknowledged and even encouraged by your coach for you and your needs (when their own experience may have been different). Being heard, accepted and acknowledged is important to our self-esteem and confidence, even if others might disagree with your views, for their own reasons too!

Coaching offers you your own voice, viewpoint and a chance to learn at last how to create your own best environment of places, people, content and reasons.  

Protection aside, we are always changing, growing and learning, and those protective measures arise from exactly that experience and process. You can find better ways to help yourself, different perspectives to consider and tips or techniques to meet your needs or fill the gaps in your skills and tendencies perhaps.

Coaching helps you to be yourself but also consistently improving, enhancing and learning ways to make life easier and happier for you and also keeping the life lessons at the front of your mind when you need them.

Change is part of life, but some lessons are there to stay for life - your values developed from life experiences even after childhood that can develop into your own 'set' taken from various quarters.

Others are temporary reminders of what is going on and why so that we can make the changes required but once learned, we cannot unlearn and be unaware in future so we can carry with us the development and ongoing growth that we, as people, are made to strive for!

Life Coach Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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Manchester M1 & Oldham OL4

Written by Julie Crowley

Manchester M1 & Oldham OL4

Julie offers personal development life & career coaching for self-awareness, stress management, relationships & communication that identify your options, insights and outlooks. Supporting professional team members & families, self-employed or managers. "Removing barriers, building dreams. Resolving problems, building teams"

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