The truth about where your emotions really come from
Have you ever caught yourself saying something like:
"My boss really stresses me out"
"This weather really gets me down"
"My partner made me so mad!"
At some point, we all fall into the trap of attributing how we feel, to things that are external to us; like other people, our job, particular circumstances or things that happen. It's highly common and forgivable to assume that the cause of our emotional state and wellbeing is directly linked to whatever the obvious, observable trigger was that pre-empted it.
However, this misconception leaves us disempowered to handle the difficulties that life can throw at us. It leaves us at the mercy of things beyond our control. After all, you can't change the weather, you can't fire your boss, and your partner will be the way they choose to be!
But the truth is that no person, job, circumstance or event is ever the direct cause of how you feel. It's always your thoughts about them that trigger your response, and not the thing itself.
For example, you can have two people who experience exactly the same event and have a totally different reaction. If you imagine fans at a football game, the ball landing in the net is for one person a victory, but for the other it's a misery, and yet the event (the goal) was in reality exactly the same. It's each person's interpretation about it that made the difference.
When we really understand this, we are free.
We are no longer victims to circumstance. We are able to stop blaming others for how we feel and take full responsibility for ourselves. By acknowledging that it's our thoughts that cause our feelings, we are able to change what is within our control, our thoughts. And this is exactly what coaching is designed to help you do. It is to help you become aware of, examine, and challenge your thoughts and beliefs so that you are able to own them instead of being owned by them!
And whilst it may not be easy, it's worth it.