Let's talk fear!
I am yet to meet anyone who has literally zero fears. Whether that be a fear that has been resident for years, such as “ I am not good enough” (which believe me is so common) or being fearful of losing your job, running out of money, the list goes on. Mostly fear is attached to failure or losing something in your life.
If you have selected this article to read because you are fearful and are assuming so many others are not, think again as that is probably not the truth. You simply are not alone! The difference maybe is that you are acknowledging your fear more openly and probably want to do something about it. So hurrah to you for delving deeper!
- Fear is something that holds you back.
- Fear resides in your mind, and is highly unlikely to come true.
- Fear will stay as long as you keep feeding it, and the more you feed it, the more it can thrive.
- Fear can be changed.
Back in the dark ages fear kept us safe from real life dangers. Now it is heavily connected to not only what we have conjured up in our minds about ourselves but also what we think others will think or feel about us - how we are perceived.
Our fears are often exacerbated by us deciding to take on the grand role of being a number one mind reader! Is that you? Thinking you know exactly what everyone else thinks of you, or could think of you? The irony of this is that you never actually know how someone perceives you, so quite a lot of energy can be wasted trudging repeatedly down this avenue. It can be that you have made up a whole story in your head, and not necessarily the most positive one.
And let's be brutally honest, how important is it what others think of you? Is it their life you're living, or yours?
How much better would your world be if you simply focussed on what you wanted and believed in, and forgot about what others are believing, doing, and saying? I personally find it so exhausting when I start tapping into what others are thinking about me. It ignites my fear and I can start spiralling down a dark avenue which I no longer am interested in visiting.
Whereas when I turn inwards and evaluate what is important to me and how I am showing up in the world I realise that it is not only all I have control over, it is a much more liberating and easier way to live. The mind clears, clarity is born, and the strength of my fears seem to somewhat dissipate!
Let's say you are fearful of failure. If you identify that your core values in life are: respect, kindness, integrity, growth and accomplishment and you show up in a situation where you are displaying all of those qualities, is that not what is most important? Being you, unapologetically, not focusing on your fear which is holding you back.
What is fear?
A complimentary approach when working with fear is embedded in the acronym I love using which is False, Evidence, Appearing, Real. When I connect FEAR with False Evidence Appearing Real it stops me, I look for real evidence!
Where is the evidence that validates my fear? And, importantly, where is the evidence that discounts my fear?
Out of all the hundreds and thousands of times your fear has risen, when has it actually come true?
The birth of fear
Have you ever properly investigated where your fear was born, and right now is that the truth of your life?
Quite often we have lived with a fear for such a long time and carried it around in our suitcase of life, never fully unpacking it or questioning if it still fits. Is it time to let go of your fear and replace those fearful thoughts with a more empowered belief?
Imagine if you lived in a place where you let go of what others thought of you, and old limiting beliefs. . .
Imagine if you simply connected to your core values and created beliefs that served you opposed to living with your current fear. . .
So, if nothing else today, question your fear. Question how much time you invest into what others may think of you, and take a moment to see if your life is aligned with your core values.
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