Is the all-or-nothing mindset limiting you?

Are you someone that thinks about life in extremes? It’s either wonderful or terrible? You either have all best of luck or are a complete loser and think that’s never going to change? Do you feel like someone cannot ever be trusted just because they present themselves in a certain way?


You might be having an all-or-nothing mindset and that might be limiting you in ways you can’t even notice.

Signs that you have an all-or-nothing mindset:

  • Oppositions - You think in extremes, it’s either freaking amazing or terribly awful. No grey area.
  • Catastrophising - If you don’t get the expected response from people in the form of validation you think you are a failure and are unworthy of love forever
  • Generalising - Because you had trouble once performing a certain task, you think you’ll always have trouble and suffer from anticipation.
  • Judgemental - You are quick to judge people and situations before knowing the full picture, due to your preconceived ideas.
  • Lacking resilience - If you set a goal and cannot meet it initially you give up before trying again because you know you’ll fail
  • Perfectionism - It has to be perfect or don’t even bother
  • Possessive in relationships - Where you think (maybe even unconsciously) that people need to give you all of themselves to you and only you.

This way of thinking can drain your energy, break relationships apart and keep you stuck, limited and feeling like nothing really matters and you just end up feeling alone in the world.

If you resonated with any of the signs above, relax because it can all be changed and you can create a new perspective and grasp a new reality for yourself.

All-or-nothing thinking are cognitive distortions

All of these signs are cognitive distortions that we do and that have origin in our childhood. We were raised by adults that had their personalities and ideas of the world already very much formed and we inevitably took on a lot of such “rules” of the world.

If we see our caregivers acting and saying things a certain way, we are going to mimic them in order to be accepted by them and not rejected and left to die. Yes, you can thank your reptilian brain for that.

So, if the role models in your life have a “rule book” already printed and bound ready to go why else would your energy-saving-toddler brain think you’d need to start from scratch and create one just for yourself?

By taking on their “rule book” you create these cognitive distortions where you take on their generalisations and their fears and insecurities. On top of all of that, they even put pressure on you to do your best in school, you put pressure on yourself to be cool, popular, or simply accepted by society; and let me tell you, putting pressure on anything only works if you want to cook something in the instant pot for dinner.

All of these preconceived ideas are keeping your intuition at bay because your ego and sense of self-preservation is talking over it.

Use your intuition to overcome all-or-nothing thinking

1. Find your deepest desires and follow your gut feeling

You know your values and what is true to your soul and what lights you up. Follow that instead of waiting for people’s validation of your ideas and “rules”.

2. Make a list of rules

Make a list of rules in your current life and understand if they are truly yours or other people’s. Ask yourself if you want to continue living your life by them. If not, what new rule would you adopt from now on?

3. Focus on your strengths

Actively seek out the good in you. A lot of all-or-nothing thinkers tend to overthink and create the worst-case scenarios in their minds as a form of self-protection and they overlook their strengths. Make a list of your strengths and things that comes easy for you.

4. Become curious

Start to create an open mind to new perspectives and ways of navigating the world. Practice mindfulness and connect to nature.

5. Judge for the positive

Initially, it will be very complicated to stop judging people as you tend to with an all-or-nothing mindset so, seek the positive aspects in others. This way you are actively teaching your brain to look out for positivity.

6. Trust yourself more

Do more forgiveness and grounding practices such as ho'oponopono. Learn to listen to your intuition by quieting the mind and listening for a calmer and soother voice and sensation from within.

7. Connect to your spirituality

Have faith and trust in yourself and the Universe. Embark on a self-discovery journey. See my other article on Ways to be more spiritual.  

Once you make space for yourself and connect to your intuition, you’ll be able to clear the fog in the air and discover your favourite path in life.

Remember: the world is yours for the taking, it’s time to empower yourself and create more abundance in your life.

And I can help you do just that, uncover limiting beliefs and patterns that caused you to operate from the scarcity mentality of the all-or-nothing mindset. It’s OK because those times are gone and you’re letting new opportunities flush through the door!

Book your free call with me today! 

Life Coach Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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Bury St. Edmunds, Suffolk, IP28
Written by Mindful Introvert, Joana Calado - Inner Peace and Abundance Coach at
Bury St. Edmunds, Suffolk, IP28

Joana Calado is an Abundance and Inner Peace coach as well as a registered Biomedical Scientist. She loves all things manifestation and works with intuition to guide you to the best life you could possibly live; one with inner peace, wealth and empowerment where you trust yourself and believe that you are able to be, do and have it all.

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