How to be confident in 3 steps

Everyone would like to be more confident. 

Even if you are a naturally confident person there are times in your life that make you blush, nervous or even sick! 

I am going to tell you how you can achieve instant and long lasting self-confidence, regardless of the situation, in three steps.

Before I tell you about the three steps - the most important thing to remember is that competence creates natural confidence.

So before you try anything else, look at the situation that is making you feel unconfident. Is it something that needs more study or practice? For example - are you feeling unconfident about a presentation that you haven’t done enough preparation for?

The reason I ask this first is because most issues relating to unconfidence can be solved via an improvement in competence. However, let’s say that you are well prepared for whatever the situation is - and you still feel unconfident. What do you do past that point?

Let me tell you - the only thing that separates you from an extremely confident person is their use of the emotional triad. We all have an emotional triad and because of that, we all have the ability to be extremely confident.

Here is how you use it:

Step one - your body

Your emotions affect your body. When you are happy you smile. When you are unconfident, you probably try to hide yourself in some way. What a lot of people don’t realise is that you can reverse this journey of communication.

You can effect your emotions by changing your body - adopt the physical attributes of a confident person and you will already start to feel more confident. 

  • Open yourself up.
  • Put your shoulders back.
  • Chin up.
  • Chest out.
  • Stand loud and proud - just like you would if you were confident. 

The effects will astound you - but you must commit! Do not be controlled by your emotions - you can take back control by utilising your body.

Step two - your thoughts

When you are faced with the situation that makes you feel unconfident. What are you thinking about?

You are most probably thinking about:

  • How it could all go wrong?
  • How everyone thinks you look stupid?
  • How everyone looks bored?

These are negative thoughts that are sending messages to your brain letting it know that it's in danger - this creates fight or flight (in other words, the feeling of unconfidence). 

Make the effort to change these thoughts because they are not useful!

Force yourself to think the exact opposite to this: 

  • See yourself delivering an excellent speech.
  • See yourself making your date laugh.
  • See yourself winning that sales pitch.

The two areas of your brain that know imagination and reality are very close together and sometimes it struggles to distinguish between the two. Create your own feelings of confidence via your imagination. 

Step three - your inner dialogue 

Quite possibly the most important step. Start paying attention to the words you use to talk to yourself when faced with a situation that makes you feel unconfident.

You are most probably saying things like:

  • “This is terrible”.
  • “I look like an idiot”.
  • “I will never be good at this”.
  • “S/he doesn’t like me”.

Force yourself to change this. Force yourself to say the exact opposite. You must have an extremely positive inner dialogue because your inner dialogue creates your reality. It’s literally the messages that go to your brain telling it how to feel and react. 

Tell yourself:

  • “I am the best person for the job”.
  • “Everyone loves me”.
  • “I’m truly excellent at what I do”.


Once again - we are influencing the messages that get sent to your brain and in turn, we are affecting the way your brain creates your emotions. 

The previous emotion of unconfidence will soon turn into confidence with the emotional triad.

Life Coach Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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