Confidence

How to assert yourself with confidence

By A. Ashdown

Published on 4th July, 2016

Here's the thing, there is a common myth that if you are nice to everyone, they will be nice back. This is untrue. If you take a passive approach to life, letting everyone walk all over you, you will be known as a doormat and perennial people pleaser.

If you struggle with saying no to requests, even unreasonable ones, then manipulative people will feast on you. If you don’t ask for what you want and need because you don’t like to inconvenience others, people will lose respect for you.

Most people please because they lack confidence and are therefore afraid of conflict, confrontation and displeasing looks from others or/and not being seen as the ‘perfect person’. Many people who do not practise assertiveness then have pent up resentment from being pushed around and often explode with unexpected outbursts of anger.

So saying 'anything for a peaceful life’ is lying to ourselves as people pleaser's struggle with an internal battle.

You need to consciously choose the results you want to achieve when you practise assertiveness. Do not say anything unless you intend to back yourself up with action. If the guilt and shame monsters whisper recriminations in your ear, remind yourself that your needs and wants are important too.

8 tips to be more assertive

It's not about winning or domineering.
It should be a win-win situation.
Respect who you are and what you do.
You have needs as individual separate from what is expected of you as a wife/husband/father/partner/son/daughter.
You have the right to be clear about how you feel and what you think.
You are allowed to change your mind, to make mistakes and not be perfect.
You are entitled to take time to think things over and not be steamrolled into making a decision.
Others are not mind readers if you want something you have to ask. Don’t get angry when someone doesn’t notice what you want or need.

Use powerful openings statements, such as: