Grief and pet loss, when we lose our 4 legged best friend

Grief; is the response to the loss of something deemed important, particularly to the loss of someone or some living thing that has died. Wikipedia

The loss of a pet can bring deep sadness and sorrow, although the circumstances differ the emotional process is similar to that of losing a human.

If you are an animal lover then you will appreciate the excitement and bond you experience when you open your door and your heart to a four-legged, adoring best friend. No matter your pet of preference, the joy that they bring into your life is personal, it is unconditional and quite often one of the best relationships you will experience. The loss is understandable after losing your daily companion who has accompanied you for several years.

We can only have our pets out of love, the hard work, commitment, early mornings, clearing up, and destruction to our homes and bank accounts, we commit willingly to the pure adoration of having this special being to share our lives with.  We all have 'emotional needs' and our pets, depending on your relationship, can often tick several of these such as attention, achievement, emotional intimacy, security, status and engaged with life. They are there for us in times of need, with no judgement. 

Sadly we only get to borrow our pets, unless you have a tortoise they are likely only to be with us for part of the journey. They know all our secrets, and even if we do not tell them, they can predict our moods and react accordingly, being a mirror of our inner selves. Whether it be a bad day at work or witnessing us without our masks which we show to the world, they truly love us. Even a moody mare or a surly cat does give love albeit, on their terms.

When that awful day comes when we have to say goodbye, whether it is old age, an accident or ill health it still comes like a strike of lightning leaving a shock to our very core. We know that it is the kindest act, to not let them suffer as a human would yet the grief we experience is not in competition with the loss of a human but it is pretty close.

In my experience when you share your loss people fall into one of two camps, the person who sympathises yet does not truly understand and the other who for no fault on their character shares their own person's pet loss. Either way, we can feel a little left out in the cold as we bravely get on with life, yet processing grief in its rawness.

As with any loss, there is a grief process, an acceptance of emotions that if we do not transition through can become stuck, often in shock, denial or depression. This is where I can offer support, to be truly heard and understood.

The Rewind Technique, for trauma resolution, will enable you to remember the good times rather than being caught up in the shock and denial period. Then with a gentle approach, I can aid you with transitioning through the 'stages of grief' safely towards loss acceptance.

Recently I assisted a client on the one-year anniversary of losing their companion of 13 years, they had spent the year stuck remembering the trauma and all the emotions attached. The memory has not been erased but safely put away into a filing cabinet for safekeeping instead of a regular reminder. Moving on to a new pet is not essential but processing grief and trauma is, your health and happiness will be affected.