Finding your way back to who you really are
I lost my way recently. Not in any dramatic sense, just a feeling and a noticing. How this shows up for me is comparing and contrasting myself against others and believing that someone else's way is better/more superior than my own. If someone is doing x, y and z, maybe I should too? Now there’s nothing wrong in taking good ideas from others, and applying them to our own situation. It opens us up to new ways of thinking, new perspectives. The key is to take a step back and see if the greatest thing that someone else is doing fits with who you are. You see, we’re all unique and beautiful in our own way, but sometimes we lose what it means to be us. So how do we find our way back to who we really are? To who we are at our core? Here are five things that might help:
1. Reconnect with your values
Values are the essence of who we are. When we live a life in alignment with our values we are truly fulfilled. Life feels good, we feel on track. When we‘re out of alignment with our values then life feels sticky; something doesn’t feel right. So how do you find out what your values are?
Notice what's important to you - honesty, fairness, integrity etc. What triggers you? Do you get triggered when someone disrespects you or is dishonest? Who are you when you are at your best?
2. Identify your strengths
What are you uniquely good at? We all have talents in certain areas. One of mine is making things look beautiful - from presents, books etc. Write down a list of your strengths and place them somewhere you can see them to keep reminding yourself of what you are brilliant at.
3. Explore the stretch
We learn more about ourselves when we stretch ourselves outside of our comfort zone. Lean into the stretch - it might be uncomfortable at first but you’ll learn from the experience. Discover who you are by first experiencing something new, then observing who you are in that moment. What is something that scares/is uncomfortable for you? What did you learn about yourself?
4. Trust yourself
Get confident with your own decisions. In the book ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’, Susan Jeffers has created a model called the 'no-lose' model. Essentially, you cannot make a wrong decision, because whichever path you take will lead you to a new experience. It may not be the experience you had envisioned for yourself, but you will learn and grow from it. Each path offers new opportunities.
5. Take credit
What are the characteristics that people close to you would use to describe you? This might make you feel uncomfortable because we often don’t seek out feedback. When I first started coaching I asked close friends, work colleagues, my previous bosses for specific feedback on what qualities they liked and admired in me. Now, I ask clients for testimonials and when I’m having a wobble I’ll re-read those testimonials. Be brave and ask those closest to you what they like and admire about you.
There's nothing more authentic than living a life in alignment with who we really are. I hope these suggestions help you reconnect to you!
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