Become a people person

Becoming a people person or getting the best out of people is something I think we’d all like to claim we aspire to. But it can be quite tricky as there are some people we naturally gravitate towards and click with, and others we find difficult to get on or work with as we just don’t hit it off with them.

Generally, we are drawn to people who are like us, have the same interests, sense of humour or style. Usually we are friends with people like ourselves. There are times for all of us when we need to get on with those we find more challenging; that tricky client, work colleague, fellow parent or relative.

The skill of building rapport through good communication can be developed to improve these relationships and there are simple techniques, which can be employed to achieve this.

We all process information with our five senses of vision, hearing, feeling, smelling or tasting. These allow us to understand what is happening around us. We all have a more developed or favoured sense and it is this preferred sense that will be used to represent the world. So the first is to tune in and match a persons preferred sense of communication.

The majority of people in the UK are ‘visual’ people and often use phrases like ‘I can see that’ or ‘I can picture that’. An auditory person will talk about things sounding good and a feeling persons conversation will be peppered with phrases involving their feelings such as I feel good about this.

Use the same words and phrases as the person you are talking to. Additionally, you can match the tempo and tone of their voice. This has the overall effect of creating a feeling that you are on the same wavelength i.e. you are understanding each other.

Be a good listener. The most important person to someone is usually himself or herself. Encourage people to talk about themselves. For being a good listener it may be remarked on what a great conversationalist you are! Listening shows you think the talker is an important person by giving them all your attention and they will leave feeling appreciated and important.  It has been commented that we have one mouth and two ears and that we should use them in that ratio.

And finally smile. People respond to a smile and we simply cannot be gloomy when we smile. Prof James McConnell believes people who smile more ‘manage, teach and sell more effectively and raise happier children.’