Are your money stories making you broke? Here's how to fix it

Wouldn’t it be nice if your finances could be one less cause of anxiety and something you can feel happy and excited about instead? Read on for a simple way to change your entire financial reality.

As a resilience coach, a big part of the work I do is mindset. I can tell you right now that your mindset is having a direct impact on the current state of your bank account. Financial inequalities, generational wealth and privilege aside, a big part of our financial reality is created by what’s in our heads. Whatever you believe about money, whatever emotions get triggered in you around money, those are the things influencing your behaviour towards money – and, consequently, how much you have (or don't) in the bank. Change that and you can make a real difference to your actual wealth.

We all have money stories

You may or may not have heard the term ‘money stories.’ These are essentially the things that we tell ourselves about money, wealth, earning potential, etc. Most of the time we’re not even aware that we are doing this because they are unconscious beliefs formed very early on in life that sit in the background silently influencing everything.

So, we are walking around with these money stories dictating how we behave around money and wondering why we never seem to be able to break old patterns, earn more or work the way we want to. As with most things mindset-related, this all comes down to awareness – at first, at least. Once you realise what your money stories are you’ll be able to trace their impact through your thoughts and behaviours to the tangible financial outcomes you’re seeing today. And once you can do that, you can replace those unhelpful money stories with something that leads you to a place of abundance and wealth instead.

Examples of the impact of money stories

• “Earning a lot of money takes blood, sweat and tears.” If you believe this, you won’t even consider that there might be opportunities to earn money easily. And if you don’t consider it you’ll never experience it. But look around you and you’ll see examples of people who don’t struggle and suffer and still earn well. Some don’t have the same life circumstances as you but some do. It is possible – but not if you’re telling yourself it’s not.
• “Money is the root of all evil.” If this is your money story then you’re never going to be wealthy because who wants to be evil? You’ll subconsciously sabotage opportunities for real wealth because it’s something your mind has marked as “not for me.”
• “Financial matters are hard and complicated.” Whenever we tell ourselves something is hard we instantly make it harder. I used to be a pretty good finance lawyer and yet I have no head for numbers. I can tell you that nothing is ever so hard that you can’t master it – unless you’re telling yourself that it is and then you’ll either give up or not look for any solutions with any real effort.
• “High-earning work has to be serious and boring.” This is the money story that defeats creatives, freelancers, artists, musicians, writers, designers etc who are subconsciously stuck in the idea that ‘real’ money and ‘real’ jobs are the capitalist vision of 9-5 at a desk doing something for an employer. Look around you and you’ll see so many examples that this isn’t the case.

Money stories come from our families

And it can be an interesting exercise to think about this. What did your parents say most often when you were growing up? Were they anxious about money, did they feel like it was hard to get, were they big spenders, did any inheritance come with an emotional cost, were there arguments over money? When you start to consider these things you’ll see where your beliefs around money have come from and why you might be someone who doesn’t save or who has never had the income you wanted to.

Where does this tend to impact?

• It can mean that you feel limited to working in one way and one way only – in a 9 to 5 job with a regular income even if you don’t enjoy it – because that’s what work is and that’s what people do.
• For many people money stories mean you’ll never ask for a raise, negotiate a bonus, be assertive or ask for what you want when it comes to money. You might also struggle to ask a friend to repay you if they’ve forgotten.
• Money stories may also mean that you work yourself into the ground because you believe this is what earning money requires of you and you’re scared of it suddenly disappearing if you stop making an effort. So, you have no boundaries around working hours, no ability to say no, burnout and exhaustion.
• If you’re a freelancer who invoices to get paid, your money stories can make it hard to chase payments without feeling rude, or like a failure if someone says no to a pitch. It may also mean that everything related to money feels anxiety-inducing instead of just a practical swap of cash for value.

Shame is the kicker here

It’s often surprising to my clients how much shame they feel around money. Shame hides and can be difficult to see in yourself. But if you feel fear around money, embarrassed by your finances, you have trouble spending it or enjoying it or you feel guilty about it then there is likely to be some shame in there influencing you.

The problem with shame is that it makes us shrink and hide and feel like we don’t deserve things and can’t dream big or ask for what we want. So, it’s a destructive force when it comes to money.

It’s also the thing that can mean when you get into trouble with money you feel so consumed by what an awful person you are that you can’t take any action to help yourself. And you won’t take any risks or stand up to banks, companies etc who aren’t being fair. This can lead to a difficult place with debt etc – because we stop advocating for ourselves or feeling worthy or capable of finding a solution thanks to feeling ashamed. So, taking shame out of the picture is vital.

What can you do when you change your money stories?

• Find or create the job you want.
• Finally, go freelance or design your working life to suit you.
• Stop taking things personally – chasing for payments, people saying no, etc.
• Permit yourself to be a financially mature and stable person instead of the hot mess with money that your money stories are telling you that you are.
• Generate real wealth in a way your parents never did.
• Have the financial stability you’ve always craved.
• Make money a side player that supports your life rather than a main character always creating drama.

The big shift here is clearing out what other people think about money, wealth, abundance and earning – and working out what you think. Then ensure that your beliefs are based on what is true for you and what serves you.

Clearing out feelings of unworthiness, shame or limiting what is possible for you and replacing them with feelings of optimism and abundance. The process of identifying and changing unconscious beliefs like this is integral to resilience coaching – yes money mindset is part of this process. It’s impossible to be resilient if you’re repeating self-sabotage, and reprogramming those beliefs is simple with the coaching model that I use.

We give money so much power in our lives and make so many judgments about having it (or not). But money is neutral and just another resource that is available to anyone to use.