7 steps to self-approval

Many believe that self-approval, or self-acceptance, is psychological in nature. But it goes deeper than that. It is, at its core, a spiritual issue, because it’s about love. 

When we have self-belief we appreciate, value and accept ourselves; we have self-confidence.

But, when we don’t approve of ourselves - when we believe that nothing we do is ever good enough - it takes its toll on our mental and emotional well-being. It can lead to stress, burnout or mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety.

Get honest here and ask yourself:

• Do you fully accept yourself?
• Do you like the way you live your life?
• Do you approve of who you are?
• Do you approve of how you treat others and how you conduct your relationships?
• Do you seek outside approval and validation to make you feel good?
• Do you judge yourself?

It’s crucial you take an inventory of all your successes and your attributes. Stop any comparing and despairing right now. Remember: you are unique and you have special qualities.

Steps to self-approval

To help you recognise your worth, here are seven steps to follow.

1. Focus on the positives

Get focused on what you are doing right and what you do have instead of what you are doing wrong and what you don’t have.

2. Ask for feedback

Ask a close, trusted friend to help if you are unsure about your good points. Perhaps you got a high mark on a course or exam, or you feel you are an excellent driver. Maybe you are considerate and pride yourself on always remembering someone’s birthday. Just remember, what you do well can be small or large.

3. Keep an 'I am good enough jornal'

Write reminders to yourself that you are worthy, right now. Add to it daily or any time you find you are knocking yourself. All these techniques will help boost your self-confidence.

4. Put yourself first

Stop putting everyone else above you. You are the most important person in your world. A lot of people who do not have self-approval make everything about them; they take everything so personally and allow it to crush them.

But who cares what others think of you? Why is it so important?

5. Ignore unhelpful criticism

Ignore destructive and unhelpful criticism and make your opinion of yourself the most important opinion. Do not internalise anything that negative people say. Their opinion is just that - an opinion, not a fact. Tell yourself over and over, “I am more than enough”. Don’t allow yourself to be used or manipulated by others.

6. Watch your language

It is crucial to watch the spoken word. Every word we speak, take it as an affirmation regardless of whether it is negative or positive. Make a recording stating positive things about yourself, and play it every night before you sleep. Keep doing this and watch your confidence rocket.

7. Make an affirmation list

Do not let other people weaken your spirit or ridicule your ambitions. In a journal, create an affirmation list that you can always have at hand each day.

Keep referring to it, so you re-frame your subconscious until it starts becoming a natural thought. Give some thought to what you want your affirmations to help you accomplish. Get detailed and specific as this makes them more effective.

If you're looking for support in building your sense of self-approval and self-esteem, working with a coach can help. Helping you unpick any limiting beliefs you may have, a coach can share techniques to help you build your self-esteem. Ready to take the next step? Use our search tool to find a coach today.