Training the inner dragon
Some of us can turn quite nasty when cross can't we?
Black Friday is coming up. There will be crowds of shoppers after a bargain. People will be pushing and shoving and people get cross. This is in some ways a metaphor for our anger at other times. We want something and other people also want it, they are in our way and are trying to stop us getting what we want so we shout, we push and we get angry. We could be talking about getting our kids to bed, getting them to eat their vegetables, trying to get round the supermarket without a tantrum (them, not us!) or trying to work from home during the school holidays.
So how can we train this inner dragon, this anger of ours?
Perhaps your child has an inner dragon? When you learn this technique you can share it with them.
First step. Set your compelling outcome. What exactly do you want? On a scale of 1-10, how important is it for you to have it now? What will be different when you have it? Here you are checking that this thing is worth getting angry for.
Second step. What value of yours does it satisfy? A value is something you believe is important to you personally like honesty, peace and calm, loyalty, good health, happiness, love, friendship or respect. If it doesn't satisfy anything that is that important to you then maybe it's best to let it go (cue the Frozen song!).
Third step. OK so you have decided that this is important and it will make a difference. So now think about what skills you have to get it. What options do you have and what do you do well? The skills you have to get this thing could include patience, considering options and alternatives, using a different way to communicate what you want, asking a question that will prompt the other person to think differently about what they're doing etc.
Fourth step. Disassociate. This means considering the situation from another angle. How might someone else view the situation? Someone not actually in it themselves, impartial in other words. This may yield some helpful ideas and other options.
Lastly. Act. Do something and see what happens. Does it work? If yes then great. If not, try another approach. Test, operate, test and exit.
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About Judy Bartkowiak
Judy Bartkowiak runs a thriving kids coaching practice in Berkshire/South Bucks, runs parenting workshops and trains the NLP Kids course.