To find love you don’t need to be perfect, you need to be you!
We have all been there, trying to make ourselves seem as perfect as possible to appeal to a date, a potential date, or for goodness sake, just anyone who will bother to look!
Sure we all want to make the best of ourselves, but with the ever-increasing use of dating apps and a whole host of other social media channels that require us to update our photo, for some, it has become a near obsession. How in the world can we match up to that photo that we spent 2 hours taking and then adding filter after filter to in real life? How can our lists of interests and hobbies compete with someone who lives the life fantastic?
Well, one thing to remember; you know all of that competition on online dating sites, the people who look incredible or indeed the ones that seem out of our league? They are still single too! They wouldn’t be there otherwise (unless they are cheating in which case stay well clear!). Ok, having the ‘perfect look’ or the most exhilarating profile might get lots of replies, but does it find love? Usually not.
I have news for you, you aren’t looking for 1500 partners to spend your life with. Not even 50, I presume. You are after one. One special one for whom you will be special too. Dating seems to have become a game of how many hits you can get, but it isn’t. Yes, you want opportunities and that’s why we need to put ourselves out there in some way, be that online or in person. The opportunity you want though is the chance to meet someone with whom you really click.
Having inner confidence is the best way to find your other half because it shines out. Coaching can always help with that - and help very quickly but in the meantime, here are some tips to be the best of who you really are and also look for the person who is going to be the right fit:
Pick your 3 best physical attributes and make the most of them. Yep, that’s right just 3 things - clear eyes? auburn hair? the worlds most amazing feet? It doesn’t matter, just choose three and treat them with care and love to make the most of them.
Pick out the physical attribute that you feel might have held you back. Ask yourself if there is anything that you do in your life that makes you feel better about it and if there is, do it. There usually is. It doesn’t even need to be directly related to it. If you notice that for the next couple of days after feeling good about meeting up with friends/ going on a hike/ volunteering you barely even notice that pesky mole on your left ear, then do it and keep doing it! If you notice that your muffin top disappears when you buy trousers in the next size up, buy them, cut the darned label out and wear them wonderfully!
Ask yourself if someone could notice three things about who you really are, what three things would you choose? Now think of three stories about yourself that illustrate these things about you. In this age of self-promotion, we so often forget to let people know who we really are. Share your stories, let people in!
Imagine yourself 3 years from now (yes I know, but grit your teeth and do it). Picture yourself happy. Enjoying life. Being able to love someone. It’s important to just let your mind wander here, don’t filter too much. Now notice how someone else fits into this. Remember it's your life, it isn’t because of someone else, but it’s good to know what role they play. Be honest in identifying the level of commitment you might want, the kind of living situation. You aren’t out to find what everyone else wants but what you need.
Learn how to breathe and speak in a way that is relaxed and represents you. Imagine yourself in your best frame of mind on a date and how easy it is to chat. If you need help with this, look for some voice coaching tips online or a coach in person, it can really help. Breathing in a relaxed way helps us to feel in control and be ourselves and that’s when we can connect.
The bottom line is, the person who is going to fall for you isn’t going to do it because you are perfect, they are going to do it because you are uniquely you. So maybe it is time to start showing who you really are, in the best possible way. It’s time to begin truly being you!
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About Rachel Coffey
Rachel is a top life and voice coach who works in a mindful and intuitive way, supporting clients and their businesses through their journey of positive change. Working from her riverside base in Chelsea and the beautiful Gazelli House, she uses an innovative and practical approach, to allow her clients the space to create real and lasting change.