The sun is shining - so how come you're feeling blue?
Everyone is going on about the weather, the summer, holidays. Isn’t it great?
Then... there’s you.
Wanting to feel on top of the world, but somehow you just don’t. Somehow you feel stuck in a place that you don’t really want to be, not knowing where to go next. You know there’s more to life than this, but where is it and how do you get it?
First of all, the fact that you are noticing that something needs to change, is a good thing. You may not quite know how or you may know what you want but can’t seem to get from where you are now. You know what though? Just because you can’t yet see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there, waiting for you. So first up, congratulate yourself on noticing.
Secondly, choose whether you want things to stay this way. It might sound ludicrous (of course I don’t want to stay miserable!), but unless we actually make a decision to change things and follow that up by doing something about it, things just stay the same. Logical really. It's a bit like looking in the fridge and noticing 'look there’s no milk', then doing nothing about it. Then, the next day, you go to grab some milk for your essential morning coffee, and are somewhat surprised and dismayed that, hey, 'there’s no milk!'. What a rubbish start to the day. Makes no sense, does it? You wouldn’t expect things to change unless you’d done something about it. Its the same in life - we can’t wait in the hope that something outside of us will sort it. If we want it to happen, take control, make the decision, and do something about it!
Do what? Thirdly, do something you have never done in quite the same way before. So, if you’ve tried to do something that you thought might work but you never got round to it, or didn’t quite approach it in the right way, do it again but differently. Look at what prevented you from doing something, and remove the obstacle before you hit it again. The fact you’ve already tried is good. You’ve learnt, and now you are free to carry on and do it successfully. Otherwise, try something that you haven’t done before. Thought about seeing a coach but never done it? Do it! Everything can change so long as you make the first move today.
Next up, where do you want to be? When you’ve done whatever it is you are going to do what do you have? Where do you get to? How will it be different from now and what will it give you? It doesn’t matter whether you are seeing the results two weeks or two years from now - getting a clear picture of how things will look will really help you figure out a way of getting there. Make sure you define it so it means something specific. Just 'I want to be happy' could mean a million different things to different people. Drill down - what exactly does that mean for you? Is it about where you live? Who you are with? What you are doing day to day? Remember to be clear about the purpose of your drive to change and it will allow you to create opportunities that might have eluded you otherwise.
What are you frightened of? Yes, what’s that 'bit' that’s been stopping you getting started? What are you afraid of losing, having to face, or being stuck with? Define the specific blocks and it will take away the fear of the whole idea of changing and instead allow you to deal with that one little bit that was stopping you.
Finally, be your own best friend. Nobody said it had to be an uphill struggle. Wrestling with the fact that we are stuck and haven’t changed things, that’s the tricky part. Moving forward feels better. Stronger. Make it as easy for yourself as possible to get where you want. Tell others what your ideas are. Let them help you. Seek help from professionals. Just because you’ve been stuck in this on your own doesn’t mean you can’t call for assistance and ask someone to help you out of the hole.
It's time for change, and that time is now!
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About Rachel Coffey
One of Happiful magazine’s regular panel of experts, Rachel is a leading life coach, voice coach (MA) and business coach . Using researched, innovative and person centred techniques, she helps her clients create real and lasting change in a short space of time. Confidentiality is guaranteed. All enquiries warmly welcomed!… Read more
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