Regaining Confidence After Life Changes
Increase Your Confidence after Job Loss, Child Birth, Relationship Break-Up or Divorce
Even though some people seem to be naturally confident whilst others are not, confidence can be a very fluid thing. Events in your life can often bring about changes in your self-esteem and this can impact how comfortable you feel within your own skin on a daily basis, as well as how successful you are in your relationships and career.
If you have recently gone through a life-changing event such as the loss of a job, or the birth of a child, or a relationship break-up or divorce, then you may have experienced some sort of emotional upheaval. Suddenly your life feels and looks so different from what it once did; people may have different expectations of you now, you may feel like you’ve lost your identity, and you may be feeling lost and confused.
When we’re feeling disempowered or powerless, it’s really important that we recognise all of the things that we DO have control over; this way, we can look at simple solutions that we can implement immediately in order to feel better about ourselves and our situation.
Very often, when significant life changes take place and begin to overwhelm us, we let small daily habits change because we think they seem insignificant to us at that moment, and perhaps think we do not have the energy to continue implementing them. It’s often the abandonment of these small daily habits that make a big difference to your confidence and everything it impacts.
Do you recognise making any of these types of statements to yourself, or a version of them?
- “I feel fat and ugly after child birth so I won’t bother wearing nice clothes.”
- “After my divorce I just don’t see the point in putting make-up on.”
- “I’m unemployed, so I may as well drink alcohol late into the night.”
- “I have no energy to exercise because I feel so miserable about my situation and just want to sleep.”
- “Now that I’m a mother, my social life has to end.”
Through coaching, clients may be guided to experience the profound changes that simple actions can have in their confidence, well-being and happiness. Therefore, if you slightly tweak your current daily habits, you’ll notice a gradual increase in your confidence which will then help you to create the relationships, career and life that you desire.
Nothing that helps you to be at peace internally is too insignificant to implement in our lives. How you feel impacts your life and the life of everyone around you. You owe it yourself and your loved ones to do the things that may seem unnecessary or selfish, if the outcome improves your life and theirs.
Take these next steps to help rebuild your confidence:
- Right now, write down a list of the things that you used to do that made you happy and self-confident, however “selfish” or “unimportant” or “time-consuming” they seem to you right now. Do this immediately.
- Now, tick the ones that you still do incorporate into your life. If you’re not ticking many of them, there’s a message in that.
- On a separate piece of paper, re-write the activities that used to make you feel good that you have abandoned.
- Under this list, write down any other actions that you could take, starting this week, that you know deep down would make you feel more confident within yourself.
- Now, for each item, answer the following questions to yourself:
a) On a scale of 1-10 (1 being virtually insignificant and 10 being very significant), what difference would it make to my confidence and self-esteem if I started doing this?
b) How can I overcome any obstacles that are standing in the way of me doing this?
c) How can I make this so simple and easy to achieve that it will feel like a natural part of my daily routine?
It’s easy to underestimate the power small daily habits have in shaping our confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes, we just need to stop and take stock of our daily thoughts, beliefs and behaviours to see how they are shaping our confidence and life experience.
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