How do we get closure after a break up?
When a relationship breaks down the pain can be overwhelming and debilitating, our identities get lost in our emotions. It may feel that we will never be the same again or even be able to function in the way we used to.
However there are a few things that we can do to ease the journey and start rediscovering ourselves.
1. Don't set yourself a time frame
There is no specific time frame when you should start to think about moving on. We all deal with change differently and healing happens in stages so you shouldn't force this. (You may find this blog useful, dealing with change: http://www.joraynercoaching.co.uk/7-keys-steps-of-change/)
Treat yourself gently as guilt, self-loathing and replaying all the “what ifs” will only slow down the healing process.
2. Allow yourself to be sad
It is important to feel all your emotions, anger, loneliness, guilt, and sadness. By allowing yourself to feel these emotions it will speed up the healing process. Avoiding these will create long-term pain and heartache.
3. Acknowledge that the changes are happening within your life
Recognise and embrace that change will allow space for the new you to emerge rather than holding onto the past.
4. Look after yourself
Take time out to focus on you. Make sure you exercise and look after your diet. This will help with self-esteem, confidence and feeling stronger, however overeating and binge drinking will cover up true feelings creating habits that will damage our emotions.
5. Take control of obsessive thoughts and actions
Obsessive thoughts create a distorted view of reality preventing acceptance and letting go. These thoughts dominate our minds preventing awareness and potential future growth.
6. Accept it is normal not to feel yourself
It's important to recognise that as couples get closer, our sense of self often becomes intertwined and it can really feel like we have lost a part of ourselves. So acknowledging this allows you to start rebuilding a new sense of self
Forgiveness is for you not your ex partner.
To forgive is not about saying it's acceptable but understanding that holding onto the anger will only prevent you from moving on. What is even more difficult is forgiving yourself. To identify why your relationship failed helps to prepare you for future relationships.
Socialise with people who provide a positive environment and have fun.
9. Embrace the new you
Embrace the new you. Embrace your new identity. Start to reflect on the things that define you as an individual and what makes you happy.
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About Jo Rayner
Jo has been involved in coaching for over 20 years and her passion in life has been to help individuals and businesses to fulfil their potential, either in their life, career, health, finances or business development. Jo has a diploma in Life Coaching with the UK College of Personal Development and is a member of the Association for Coaching.