Confidence booster no.3: The damage of comparisons
Another unnecessary pressure we heap on to ourselves in an already pressured environment is when we compare who we are, how we look and what we have achieved, to others - such comparisons are rarely favourable.
The challenge: Measure yourself to your goals, not to the perceived successes of others.
- It’s time to measure up to your own standards and not those set by peer pressure and the desire to be like someone else – these have a detrimental effect on self-esteem in a very profound way.
- If you compare yourself to others you are not necessarily going to have the full picture: the sacrifices they made to get there, how happy they are with the outcome, the effects on other aspects of their lives i.e. home and family. You do not see the full picture so you cannot know how successful someone really is beyond the superficial.
- While you are busy measuring up to others you can miss your own opportunities where your particular strengths and talents can shine – in effect you stifle your own talents.
Exercise: Set your own goals.
- Identify your skills and abilities (as in 'booster' no.2), and match these to goals you would like to achieve. This way you play to your strengths… why would you want to do anything else?
By all means, seek inspiration in others, in their achievements and the examples they set – but in doing so give full credit to your own abilities. In aiming for your goal, ensure you do it your way and for your reasons. The keys word here is authenticity, which will check negative comparisons at every turn.
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About Alan Keyse
Alan is a professionally qualified executive coach specialising in cognitive self awareness, emotional intelligence, and employing mindfulness principles throughout his work. Having been a senior sales executive for over 30 years he brings a practical approach to his work which puts forward momentum and tangible benefits as a minimum requirement.