How to recover from a broken heart

Follow these basic techniques to help recover from heartbreak.

Most of us have been there – sitting across from our loved one only to hear the words “It’s not you, it’s me” or “I think we work better as friends”. Of course, every relationship is different but the resulting feeling is typically one of heartbreak.

The term heartbreak refers to the pain, distress and anguish we feel due to the strains of love. The experience can be so intense that scientists say it can feel the same as physical pain. In one study, people shown photos of former lovers had similar brain activity to when they felt extreme heat on their arm.

While studies confirm love has a biological basis and that there may eventually be a treatment for heartbreak – currently there is no such quick fix. Instead, try to follow these steps:

Allow yourself to cry

You may feel the need to ‘stay strong’, but sometimes you just have to let yourself feel the pain and let it out. Allow yourself a few days to be upset and be gentle with yourself.

Look to your past

Recall the emotions you went through, from the early loved-up days, to when things got rocky, right up until the relationship ended. Try to think about other relationships to see if you can spot a pattern.

Have a self-care action plan

Look after yourself. Eat healthily, exercise and think of ways you can lift yourself up emotionally, mentally and physically.

Connect

Connect with friends and family and connect with yourself again. Activities like meditation and yoga can help you get in touch with your mind and body. Now is also a great time to throw yourself into your interests, try a new hobby or explore a new skill you haven’t had time for before.

Take as much time as you need to get back on your feet and don’t rush back into the dating scene until you feel ready.

If you feel you could do with some guidance in your love life, a relationship coach may be able to help. Find out more on our relationship coaching page.

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