This quote is from French novelist and playwright Honore de Balztac, written around 200 years ago. Although the institution of marriage has changed significantly since the 19th century, the feelings we feel and the struggles we endure in trying to keep our relationships healthy today are exactly the same as they were then – and Balztac was right. There is nothing quite like familiarity and complacency to bleed the passion out of marriage.
When we become used to someone being around, we tend to stop noticing the things we once loved about them.
So after one, ten, or even fifty years – how is it possible to rekindle that original spark? To feel those butterflies you felt in your stomach when you first saw them? When you see them every day, first thing in the morning, last thing at night, through their bad moods, their bad hair days, and through their bad habits – is it possible to ever relight that fire?
Luckily Carole Lieberman, author of ‘Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets’ has some interesting tips to make your partner fall for you all over again:
1. Do something crazy together
It’s easy to get stuck into the daily routine and forget about the wider world. Something ‘crazy’ doesn’t have to be sky-diving, or moving to the other side of the world. Simply doing something different together, something that breaks free from the normal routine, will help you to see each other with fresh eyes. Go for a hike in the woods, go sea swimming together, dress up and head out for the night. Being adventurous will get the blood pumping, the feel-good hormones racing and the passion flowing between you once again.
2. Ask them what they fantasise about
After many years of having sex with the same person, it can take a little effort to keep the excitement going. Lieberman says: “Overcome your shyness and come out and play. The sex will be better than ever.” Try not to let the sex ebb out of your relationship – physical intimacy can help draw couples together again after a long period of neglect. Exploring their darker desires could help you see a new, exciting side to your partner.
3. Make a big future goal together
Having shared ambitions draws couples together and creates a stronger sense of unity. Getting caught up in your own life is dangerous – it can make your partner feel unwanted and neglected, and before long your separate life experiences will draw you apart. Planning to go on holiday, have a baby, move house, or take up a new hobby together will strengthen the bonds between you so that even when you do occasionally go your own separate ways, you’ll know your relationship is solid enough to survive because you’re both heading in the same direction.
Has the passion gone from your relationship? Discussing your relationship issues with a life coach could help you clarify your feelings and improve your situation.
Find out more about how a life coach could help by visiting our Relationship page.
View and comment on the original iVillage article.
Connect with us