Pick me up when I’m up

We all know that picking our partner up when they are down is a given in relationships, but research from the University of California has revealed that what you say and do when your partner is happy is even more vital to your long term contentment as a couple.

According to study author Shelly Gable, Ph. D. generally the most we can do when someone is feeling negative and down in the dumps is to neutralise them and bring them back to their baseline. However good times offer an opportunity to move beyond this and missing these opportunities can have a negative impact on your relationship.

Couples who tend to ignore or glaze over one another’s highs are generally less satisfied, less intimate and less trusting, says Gable.

Instead we should try to show enthusiasm when our partner has some good news. Stop what you are doing and share in their excitement with your posture and tone. This will make you both feel great about each others achievements. If you do happen to have concerns then keep them to yourself for now as saying them aloud will make you appear a killjoy. If you are still concerned a few days down the line then express any worries then.

Another tip is to be curious, ask questions and show an interest. This sounds like a given but it’s easy to become wrapped up in our own world and forget to ask about other peoples. Give your partner an excuse to talk openly and positively about their new situation as this will bring you closer together.

Finally, make sure you are paying attention both verbally and non-verbally. The words may be going inside your ear but if you are sitting there with you arms crossed staring at the TV, texting or picking your nails then it is going to seem like you are indifferent about hearing of your partners good fortune. Instead look them in the eye with a smile and engage with them.

For information about relationship coaching please visit our fact-sheet.

View the original Women’s Health article.