First date tips

If you have recently or not so recently come out of a long term relationship, or you haven’t been on the dating circuit for some time then the concept of ‘dating’ again may literally send shivers down your spine. Below are a few helpful tips from the Telegraphs relationships expert Sarah Abell to help you get back into the swing of things.

Choice of venue
Cinemas are out, your or their house is out, noisy places are out and sporting events are out (unless you know for a fact you are both interested). All of these places make it difficult to listen to each other and talk and or could prove a little risky.

Don’t try too hard to impress, simple is good. Opt for a drink in a quiet bar or a quick lunch in a local restaurant you know well. Keeping things low key, short and simple means that in the event you want to run for the hills your not going to have to make it through an eight course banquet!

Make an effort
It’s great to make an effort and look your best but make sure your date would still recognise you without all of the extras. Presenting yourself nicely shows you care and want to make a great first impression.

Though some people go for the ‘I don’t want to seem like I care too much’ approach and turn up in jeans with unwashed hair and no make-up often this can be interpreted as you not being bothered and may also backfire by making your date feel embarrassed for making an effort.

Most importantly, know your limits and don’t drink too much. If you know two glasses of pinot send you over the edge and you become overly flirtatious then tell yourself when to stop.

Be kind
If you turn up and immediately know this person is not for you then be kind and enjoy their company anyway. When you reach the end of the night there is no need to lie or give false hope if you have no intention of seeing them again.

Be yourself
Don’t try and be who you think your date would like you to be because you simply won’t be able to keep this up. Instead just be yourself and let them get to know you and like you for who you are.

Try not to let emotional baggage take over, bitterness from your previous relationship is not an attractive trait and will only draw attention to your weaknesses, although if asked about past relationships obviously tell the truth without going into too much detail.

Let them talk
Don’t dominate the conversation as this will give your date the impression you aren’t interested, instead take time to listen and ask questions.

Don’t make an instant judgement
First impressions can be misleading so try not to make an instant judgment. Two or three dates is a good benchmark for deciding on whether to really take things forward. The most important thing is not to judge them by the standards of your previous boyfriend or girlfriend. Everyone’s different and perhaps they may not dress as well as your very style savvy ex or be as confident but remember you broke up with your previous partner for a reason and this person could have something very different and exciting to offer.