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How to end a relationship that isn’t working

It is very easy to become stuck in a relationship that isn’t necessarily working, they offer security, companionship, entertainment and closeness and often it is the thought of giving those things up that keeps us from throwing in the towel.

If you think your relationship is nearing it’s end then the first thing you need to do is establish whether or not you are simply experiencing a little turbulence or if indeed it really is over.

Initially most relationships will experience a natural honeymoon period, where each of you are still enjoying getting to know each other and aren’t yet aware of one another’s bad habits. When you do begin to notice irritating little traits and habits it can come as a shock and there is always a temptation to end things early on at the first sign of a problem. However it is important to remember that even the best relationships need work and recognising and resolving differences it what makes you stronger as a couple.

However, the above may not be relevant to those who are certain they are no longer in love with this person anymore. If you really can’t envisage yourself being in a long term relationship with them anymore then it is time to end the relationship. This is not an easy thing to and once the decision has been made it is best to implement it as soon as possible.

If you have decided to end a relationship then do it gently and kindly. If you consider how you would like to be told ‘texting’ would definitely not enter the equation nor would ’email’ or a ‘facebook/twitter update’. Be respectful and if it is not possible to meet face to face at least do it over the phone so that you can have a two way conversation.

Don’t cop out and let someone else give them the news, nor should you leave a person guessing by simply letting a relationship fizzle out. Instead be clear and concise about why you want to break up and even if your reason is because your former partner is lazy, unambitious, irritating etc try to be gentle and try not to make it into a list of their faults.

Give them the opportunity to take in what you are saying and to ask questions if they have any. To you this is something you have been thinking about for some time but to them this may come as a complete shock.

Ether during the discussion or a couple of days down the line when they have had time to think it is a good idea to begin discussing practicalities. For instance if you are living together you will need to decide who is moving out and when? How will joint possessions be divided? Will you stay in contact?

It is also essential that you are very clear and very firm so as not to give false hope of rekindling the relationship. The truth hurts but lies hurt even more. An excuse such as you have too many work commitments or you don’t want to get married may leave hope alive for a reconciliation.

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Written by Emma Hilton

Written by Emma Hilton

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