Out of the past and into the present
There is so much going on inside our heads at any one time that its sometimes difficult to work out what exactly it is that negatively effecting us.
Apparently most of our negative feelings will come under one of three categories: anger, fear and sadness. Author of new book, The 10 Secrets of 100% Healthy People, Patrick Holford says “Sadness is usually about regrets and loss, anger is associated with not having our needs met, or not being listened to, and fear comes from not being able to adapt and cope with a changing circumstance. Often a person has one of these as a predominant underlying feeling. For example, if a relationship ends, how does it make you feel? Sad, annoyed, or fearful that you’ll never be able to have a successful relationship?”
Holford lists a number of ideas in his new book which he feels will help to disperse of those negative emotions but encourages us not to discuss them with friends. Friends will always tell us how fabulous we are and how in the wrong the other person is and this pattern can often b counter productive. It is far better to describe the situation that has upset you in the present tense as if objectively reporting it, without really discussing your feeling about it. Describing what happened your emotions will discharge.
Holford lists some other great tips to identify and get rid of negative behaviour patterns. Try writing down five negative emotional patterns, such as being abandoned by someone or feeling trapped by another and if something in the present day acts as a trigger to any of these then simply the awareness of whats happening will help you to put things in perspective.
Speaking of writing down emotions, it is actually a great way to process them. Another tip from the book is to make a list of people who you haven’t forgiven, then writing a letter to them expressing all of your negative feelings about their behaviour. Conclude with another letter which says everything you appreciate about them and it will really help you to find some perspective, although remember not to pop them in the post with the regular mail!
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